My half-assed Oscar blusings*
Jon Stewart is God.
Whoever has Lauren Bacall in the death pool is going to cash in soon.
It is just plain cruel to schedule a nominee as a presenter if his nominated category comes before his presentation category.
Especially when there is no alcohol served at the event.
It is just plain stupid to shill for the film industry’s output by saying “you just can’t watch something like this on TV” and then proceed to do just that.
As much as I hated the big, vomity production numbers, I miss them even more.
Oh, wait—”It’s Hard Out There for a Pimp” just came on.
M. Night Shamalamadingdong’s AmEx commercial was more compelling than any of his last three movies. And it still had a shitty ending.
Whoever has Dolly Parton in the death pool might cash in pretty soon, too.
All the ladies look very chic and subdued.
Even, amazingly, Meryl Streep, who usually looks like she was styled by a gaggle of five-year-old girls playing dressup out of an old trunk in the attic.
Meryl Streep’s birth name was Mary Louise.**
If I had any doubts that Philip Seymour Hoffman should win the Best Actor award, hearing that he shot the role in 36 days while producing has forever dispelled them.
If the Oscars moved to a points system whereby the most passionate and interesting nominees got to speak the longest, that director of Tsotsti would have been speaking for an hour and a half.
Having just heard (yawn) Reese Witherspoon give her acceptance speech, I don’t think we’re in danger of that happening anytime soon.
xxx
c
*blusings = blog musings
**UPDATE: this is not technically a blusing, I know. My actual blusing after thinking about exciting, trashy days of Oscars past was ‘I miss Cher’, however I was so bowled over about Meryl Streep’s birth name it knocked all real Oscar blusings out of my head. Also, I have had three scotches. At least.
Photo of setting up the 2006 Oscars by Donna Grayson via Flickr
TOPICS: List-o-rama!, Oscars, reviews/film, reviews/film, TV.
9 Comments, Comment or Ping
Marilyn
Lauren Bacall…HA! Man, that was bad. But good god, the woman’s gotta be about 80 and she still looks better than most 55-year-olds in Hollywood. Those who have gone under the knife I mean…the ‘naturals’ look fab. Dolly Parton is starting to resemble her statue at Madame Tussaud’s (if she even has one).
Mar 5th, 2006
Neil
They seriously need some new producing blood there other than Gil Cates. I say let the winners talk as long as they want until the audience boos them off. The music drowning out the speeches was just annoying. And all that talk about watching movies in the theater was just plain weird. Most of the academy members have home theaters and NEVER step in a movie theater. Was that supposed to be a stab against piracy? I really like Jon Stewart, but I didn’t particularly like him as host. He’s too laid back for an already laid back show.
I’ve seen a lot of Oscar ceremonies — and this one ranks with the most unnecessary. Bring David Niven and the streaker back!
If FOX was smart, they would have show American Idol because they would have won in the ratings.
Mar 5th, 2006
Erik
I call him M. Night Shamalamadingdong too! Great minds think alike, obviously. By the way, his commercial felt like it was almost as long as the Oscar ceremony, but I agree with you that it was better than Signs, The Village, and that other one combined. As far as the actual Oscars go, I think they need to get rid of those awful “reverential” montages. The only montage that was interesting in the least was the “macho” western one at the beginning. I’m really upset that I chose to take a bathroom break during the performance of that song from Hustle and Flow, which means I also missed them accepting the award, which, according to my wife, was one of the highlights of the evening. So “Meryl” is a nickname from “Mary Louise”? I like that. My name is Erik Ross. If I combined my middle and first names like Meryl did (though, I guess, she didn’t technically combine them, they’re more mumbled together with the “ouise” dropped off at the end), my two names could combine to be Eros, which I’m not even going to riff on, I’m just gonna leave it at that, and go back to commenting on your Oscar blusings (which is a great word, by the way), I know that Dolly’s boobs are old news, but I guess it’s been awhile since I’ve seen her and I forgot that they were so ginormous. I’m sorry, Colleen, why am I talking about Dolly’s boobs on your blog? How great were those faux campaign commercials? I loved those. I haven’t seen Walk the Line, but Reese’s speech was a little too blah for me. I kept expecting her to say “you like me, you really like me.” Oh, and Clooney. Clooney, Clooney, Clooooooooney. I just like saying his name.
Mar 5th, 2006
Colleen
Marilyn, I meant no disrespect to La Bacall, who continues to shame her peers by her natural (or at least, natural-looking) fabulosity.
I do think her handlers might have stepped in though, and either made sure she had the speech down in case of teleprompter SNAFU or made sure she could walk upright without aid. Or both. Preferably, both. (If I’m ever in that situation, I hope one of my handlers steps in and helps me.)
Neil, I’m with you on all counts, esp. that shrill-yet-hollow “WATCH MOVIES IN THE THEATERS OR WE’LL KILL YOU!!!” message. WTF?!
I do think the Daily Show writers are fucking brilliant, but that brilliance needs meshing with That Thing that the Academy Awards broadcast has become.
Seriously, I think the smartest thing they could do is turn it back into the Golden Globes: attendees are all potential wieners, the fete is small and the booze flows freely. I watched this year mainly to see if my friend, Scott, would be onstage when the gay cowboy movie won. It didn’t and he wasn’t. Really, the only way to watch that boring ass show is whilst doing something else—partying, sniping, ironing…
Although Erik, I think it might actually be fun to watch something like the Oscars with you. Yes, I think so very much. We should talk.
Mar 6th, 2006
nylamn
Alcohol is served in the lobby throughout the ceremony….and it is actually free until the TV broadcast starts, then it is a cash bar……just an insider FYI.
Mar 6th, 2006
Erik
Speaking of alcohol, did you notice that moment when the camera caught Diana Ossana drinkin’ booze in the theater? (This was towards the end of the ceremony, after she had won the screenplay award and before she lost the producing/best pic award.)
Oh and a sidenote on M. Night Shamalamadingdong’s commercial: on the aol.com homepage, there’s a link to M. Night’s “2 minute film.” So, is aol trying to say that they’re commercials when everyone else makes them and they’re “films” when M. Night Shamalamadingdong makes them? Or is the thirty second version (whcih will inevitably replace Kate Winslet’s awesome AmEx commercial–the one where she’s walking around Camden Town in London talking about all of the wild dramatic experiences she’s “lived through” in her life and which honestly gets me all goosepimply and does what a good commercial is supposed to do–it makes me want to get in even more debt so that I can be like Kate Winslet)…is this inevitable 30 second version a commercial and is the 2 minute version one a film?
I think it’d be fun to watch the Oscars with YOU too.
xoxo
Mar 6th, 2006
communicatrix
Thanks, nylamn! I always figured the stars came packin’, but I didn’t realize you could get legally tanked.
Erik, M. Night Shamalamadingdong must get no more press. That is the only solution. We must STOP paying Mr. Dingdong any mind, and if his shamalama gets bent over it, too bad. He has partnered with AOL, a.k.a. the devil incarnate. ‘Nuff said.
Mar 6th, 2006
Erik
Agreed, no more press for Dingdong, or Dinkdong as I accidentally typed and now prefer.
Mar 6th, 2006
NiNi
Jon Stewart is the only reason I watched this year….and you’re so right. He SO is God!
Mar 16th, 2006