I would suggest that your analysis of the global warming situation lacks what we in the academic community refer to as “intellectual vigor”. Perhaps I am shooting at fish in a barrel as the rustics among us might say, but allow me to address each of your observations individually:

1. The grills which are used to cook “BBQ” are among the most pernicious in their assault on the atmosphere. You are obviously unaware that the smoke from these contraptions contains harmful products which contribute to the human assault on the ozone layer.

2.There are many more effective means of weight loss; among them are exercise and a vegitarian diet.

3. Are you not aware that any destruction of the San Franciscan infrastructure would be so calamitous that living in Stockton would be uncomfortable for the most hardy inhabitants and impossible for the weaker of your fellow citizens?

4.Those swirly patterns that you find so entertaining represent the loss of homes and the deaths of thousands of fine people most of whom are minorities who cannot afford to take the next flight to safety.

5.Perhaps you should were lighter winter clothes. May I suggest Gore-tex for its warmth and comfort?

6.You can camouflage the size of your feet by purchasing shoes with interesting color arrangements. The added benefit is in looking less like a corporate wonk and more like someone approachable.

7.I understand the appeal of cool summer salads, however they can be enjoyed anytime and you don’t need to ruin the environment to do it.

8.Spas? Don’t get me started. Ever since Middle American tried to emulate the rich by having their own private spas, the environment has taken an additional hit. You need to educate yourself about the chain of processes and events which bring the electricity to your home to heat said “Spa”. Take digging coal for example: the destruction of the environment, the deaths of miners, the energy cost not only to run the mining machines but also to build them. And that’s just getting the stuff out of the ground; I will leave the rest of the chain to your imagination.

9.I heartily approve of swimming as exercise! Kudos to you on that, but let me invite you to step it up if you still use #2 as an excuse. Further, don’t underestimate how invigorating a swim in a nice cold pool can be.

10.Don’t worry about these “earnest, dull polititians” there are many issues that still need to be addressed: health insurance for the poor, jobs for the poor, the end of war, corporate accountability, etc.

I hope I wasn’t to rough in demolishing your attempt to put a happy face on global warming but I think that you, however sincere you may be, have been deluded by the Corporate Media (Fox news anyone?) and I find that unfortunate.

Oh and “Hey Claude, lighten the fuck up”.

Claude—I sent you an email privately, but in case you’re reading this here, please know I was kidding—my (apparently not completely successful) attempt at satire. Ah, well…I’m no Jonathan Swift.

I did have an addendum which pretty much tipped my big, fat, tree-hugging, just-left-of-Trotsky hand, but I’ve added a “satire” tag, too, to make my intent more explicit. Hopefully, there will be no other sufferers.

Fred, I appreciate the support but remember, Claude is one of the good guys!

BF…you’re just awesome. And so dreamy! I’m totally enviro-boy-crazy for you!

The whole subject is so damn depressing that we had better get a sense of humor AND a sense of urgency…

“Oceanfront property in Stockton!”

Um, actually, Stockton would be under water too as the entire Central Valley of California is lower than the coast. The coast would be a lot closer to the Sierras.