Sometimes I think
nobody reads
communicatrix – dot – com
except old boyfriends
and people interested in the “trix” part.
They click here from Google
and Yahoo!
and comments I leave on D-Listed
(my dirty little secret)
expecting the hotness
and probably
the shortness.
Instead they find insanely long diatribes
about poop
and happiness
and the importance of sorting out your poop
if you want to find happiness
and they leave.
Quickly.
Of course
if I hammer on Microsoft
or talk about my sex life
or blog like a drunken pirate
they can’t get enough.
What’s an earnest
middle-aged
blowhard-evangelist of personal change
to do?
I want the eyeballs
but I want them to care.
Caring eyeballs,
that’s what I want.
So for all of you who came here
expecting sex
and gossip
and more sex
I’m sorry, kids,
despite the provocative name
(which I’m not living up to)
there’s no leather and latex,
no whips or crotch floss
no NSA
breathless confessions
or Dear Penthouse Forum, You’ll Never Believe What Happened to Me letters…
No gigantic cock
sexy cheerleaders
XXX porno
MILF-granny-hot carl-dirty sanchez
girl-on-girl action.
No pointy leather boots
bustiers
edible underwear
nipple rings
ball clamps
butt plugs
face masks
or restrictive clothing
here.
But if that’s what you’re into
I hear Carly has a corset…
xxx
c
With apologies to Robert Bruce, the really good poet who inspired me, and all other poets who actually get how to work in this form.
LINKY-LOOS:
Poetry Thursday is here.
Neil Kramer (Citizen of the Month), from whom I heard about Poetry Thursday, is here.
Carly Milne, who is hot and actually does own a corset, writes about lots of good stuff here.
Finally, really, really good blogging & poetry at Robert Bruce’s site, knifegunpen, here.
Oh yeah, this is good. You need to make this a regular deal around here. Come on Colleen, bring on the poems for us…
And, for the record, I care about this site.
And you.
And your poop.
Not much for the poop
But I like what you say
I will return
To enjoy more
You might not have any of those goodies, but people searching for those might find your site even more easily now…!
Robert – that is very sweet. there is a special poop in my colon with your name on it.
~Dawn – pooping is like growing older: beats the alternative…
sandra – Yeah. I’m a shameless whore, ain’t I?…
People go to my blog looking for “gay blankets”, unfortunately, I’m all out!
And on the name bit…
I can’t believe I haven’t been fired from the job yet for reading your stuff.
communicatrix.com can’t look good on the logs.
Floss or no floss. I’m your pal, Colleen!
my eyeballs care!
(i just had a vision circa the care bear movies where all the care bears with their various cares join hands in a circle and whatever it is that each one cares about, as emblazoned on their bellies, shoots out in colorful light and all the colorfuls lights join mid-circle and shoot up to turn somebody’s mean heart around. it’s called the care stare. i wonder if bloggers could do that.)
Jacynth – I don’t know—maybe you’re missing a marketing opportunity.
Robert – Keep surfing; it’ll happen.
Rick – Yeah, but you love the floss: admit it!
christy – I think they could, given enough psychotropics.
oh colleen, you KNOW i come here for the poop.
Dude. You are so much kinkier than I.
Aha! The slow exposure photography! Lovely. Good job holding still, C-trix. Hugs to all your photo assistants.
erik – and that is why I love you with an irrational ferocity
Carly – Dude. Tell me something I don’t know.
ChicagoTrev – Thank you. You are one of the old boyfriends I like having around.
Ironically, listing all those things in that poem is going to get you a whole lot more of people looking for what they can’t find on your site.
Laura – Ya think?
i’ll admit it, i come here for the giant cock too. (by the way, when you google: gigantic cock communicatrix, no quote marks, the very last of the 17 google hits brings you to my blog, so if that’s not proof that we’re, like, soul sisters or sumphin, then i don’t know what is.)
What does it take to ‘qualify’ as an ‘old boyfriend’? I’ve got the first part down pat..
Isn’t it interesting how the blogosphere is, under everything else, still a popularity contest, like the school president or prom queen contests of our youth? When will we realize that it’s not about the appreciation or approval of others — that in fact, just as most great artists were never popular or fanous in their own time, the most ‘popular’ blogs are the ones that tell people what they want to hear, not what they need to hear.
Keep on telling us what we need to hear.
“What’s an earnest
middle-aged
blowhard-evangelist of personal change
to do?”
_______________
blowhard – I don’t know about…
but:
earnest
middle-aged
evangelist
of personal change
YESSS!!
and I Thank You for it
and I read you daily for it
and I love you for it.
That, and your wry style (!)
and your Rockin’ graphic sense.
Seriously. I’m a fan.
Caring eyes, right here.
Thanks thanks thanks.
erik – I think the reason we are really soul sisters is because both of us would think to google “communicatrix gigantic cock”. Of course, I would use quote marks, but we can chalk that up to birth order.
Dave – I thank for the reminder that what I am here to do is what I am here to do, and the number of people for whom I do it not the point. As for “old boyfriend” status, I’d be honored to grant you honorary old boyfriend status, your official documentation of such to follow under separate cover. When you think of me, please remember the good times…
Maral – I am grateful for your caring eyes and your kind words. And your verse. Let us not forget your verse…
I’d down with the poop talk…
but did ya have to go all the way to the dirty sanchez?