While I’ve never come up with a formal mission statement for communicatrix-dot-com—that would make me a total tool—I have established some informal guidelines, which basically come down to two things:

1. Give me the opportunity to write, unfettered, for public consumption

2. Help me help you

Okay. I’m a tool, I’m a tool. But it’s true—my dream in relating my silly lists and stories and whatnot is that, in addition to achieving great renown (or notoriety, its tatty stepsibling) I can spare someone, somewhere, some portion of the agony I rained on myself by behaving like the World’s Biggest Asshole for 40+ years.

But sometime over the holidays, in the thick of creating my nerdy lists, I realized I wasn’t fully utilizing the wonderfulness that is web 2.0 if I wasn’t also asking for help when I needed it. I mean, sure, I’ve queried Lifehacker and I belong to kernspiracy and I even paid the five bucks to MetaFilter but really, I’m lazy. Or in some cases, immensely frustrated after days/months/years of fruitless searching. I want to post a bunch of crap on my own damned blog and have people just find it and say, “Oh, hey, dumbass—that’s easy, and here’s how…!”

I think ultimately, I’ll put up some kind of permanent Request Page. Or, hey—maybe someone can point me towards some great, web-based program that does this already. But there’s stuff I need help with right now. Some of it I could probably suss out with enough time on Google and suchlike, but much of it I’m sure is readily answerable by an actual human RIGHT NOW!!! And that’s when I want it: right now, in the comments, via email, or even the phone, if applicable.

COLLEEN’S WISH LIST OF STUFF, SERVICES, INFORMATION, & OTHER SUNDRY ITEMS

1. A list of fantabulous movies to rent based on my own lists (here and here, for starters). Especially nice would be descriptors such as “great on a rainy Saturday when hungover” or “only good when you are feeling especially “up” or “provides nourishing laughter to the severely ill”, etc.
2. For those rare public appearances and visits with the Queen, a bra that actually fits a AA-cup, is not covered in doilies or filled with compensatory gack (believe it or not, Foundation Fairies, some of us are down with the tiny and just need nip coverage from time to time), and costs less than $85.
3. An SCD-compliant recipe that approximates chocolate fudge
4. Houston’s recipes for brussel sprouts and acorn squash.
5. A map/list/page of L.A. streets with street cleaning schedule so I know when I’m going to have to add 20 minutes for parking.
6. A hotkey combo to change file names in Apple’s finder w/o accidentally launching the #$&@*($& files every time. Thanks to Robert ‘Groby’ Blum, who got me on the right OPTION + RETURN path
7. WordPress code for nested subdirectories along with pasting instructions to tide me over until I overhaul my template.
8. Another artist like Lemon Jelly, and don’t say Mr. Scruff, because I know about him.
9. While we’re at it, how about more playlists along the likes of this outstanding one created by the magnificent David Gagne
10. More programmers like Michael who want to work with me since I can apparently generate enough work for three programmers
11. Especially ones into PHP and creating WordPress templates
12. A superhero-style data-storage device that syncs with my Mac (like my Palm), is not read-only (like an iPod), has a good voice recorder (like, um, my tape recorder), and won’t give me a heart attack if when I drop it from four feet off the ground.
13. A reasonably priced, 4–6 week vacation rental (anytime from April – September) or apartment swap (all months but July – September—no one wants to live in my place in the summer) somewhere on the Central Coast of California.
14. A purse that is plain but stylish, capacious but not clunky, dark-as-night brown but not black, vinyl not leather (too heavy), has interior pockets and a lining that is red, pink, orange, green, turquoise or pretty much any color except black in the $25 – 85 range.
    
15. A free or cheeeep Steelcase-type table, about 62″ x 36″(i.e., like this, but without the fruity color or insanely high price for an item the government was probably dumping in landfills pre-eBay/mid-Century design craze.)
16. An accountant who works with budding entrepreneurs, has his/her shit together, knows enough about corporate structure and investing to point clients in the right direction and “speaks creative”
17. An online resource for dining that filters for people on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet
18. A source for nice scented candles at a reasonable price.
19. A great cutter for “difficult” hair who charges less than $80 for a cut here in L.A.
20. Some input from my fine readers on what you like about this site, what you don’t so much and what other things—topics, features, blog doodads—you’d find helpful.

That’s it for now.

And as my way of giving back, any of you looking for a sure-fire way to make money, come up with a steady supply of #13 and you can probably retire young and wealthy…

xxx
c

Image by Robin Green Eye via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license

This entry was posted by the communicatrix on Wednesday, January 24th, 2007 at and is filed under The Quotidian Ones. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.