I had an interesting chat today with my colorist (and good friend), Marc. Really, I have interesting conversations with most folks these days, since I discovered that the art of conversating (as the kids say) lies in the asking of questions and the hearing of answers rather than the spouting off of commentary. (Fancy that!)
Today’s conversation was interesting because it revolved around kabbalah, about which I know little save it’s an esoteric offshoot of Judaism that has something to do with red string and expensive bottled water (thank you, Madonna.) But Marc studied it (if that’s the term) for many years, and he was able to shed a surprising amount of light on what I confess has always been (to me) a dense, deep and impenetrably mysterious practice. After all, it is very old and complex and we only had about an hour, as I’m a single-process kinda gal.
The topline of kabbalah, however, is really easy to get, and lovely, to boot: the more we learn to give, the more will come back to us. It’s about “giving” as world view, which of course carries all kinds of other nice things along with it, like cultivating trust and fellowship, learning to communicate by finding common ground, and practicing abundance rather than scarcity thinking.
It got me to thinking about where to start. Because really, that’s what I would’ve loved to have known 20-odd years ago, when I was flailing around in a sea of my own misery: where the hell do I start? Just tell me where to point my damned guns, already! And, while I now think that “observing” is probably the absolute best place to start, the very critical first step of many, and a mode to stay close to always, I think giving is a really good practice to have in your head even while you’re in observation mode.
Part of what makes me think this is my many years of experience as a corporate tool. There was very little uncalculated giving in that world, and precious little happiness, too. Coincidence? Perhaps. Held up against the world of strings-free giving I’ve been blessed to live in these past five years, though, I think the causality is obvious: the nature of life is change, and we’re happiest when we let ourselves go with the flow of that. It takes awesome fearlessness or, as in my case, having nothing left to lose. When you weigh 90 lbs (45 of which is your enormous head), and your intestines are in tatters and you’re so weak that you can’t walk to the end of the bed without support, you learn to accept help, to accept giving, with the very clear understanding that you certainly cannot pay in kind now, and may well never be able to pay it back later. Get down with that, and you’ve got one big, honkin’ secret of life under your belt.
I’m not advocating sap-hood. I can only give to the extent I’m able and willing. Ironically, before I understood this, I used to give too much, receive too little. Now I finally understand you’ve got to let go to receive as much as you do to give.
To take this down to a practical level, Marc charges what I think is an incredibly reasonable price for his services, and I pay him. He gives me what I see as a deal, and I accept it. Occasionally, I get a bug up my ass and give him a bunch extra, just because. And he accepts that. I suspect that if I showed up one month and had no money, he’d give me coverage for free. He’s that kind of guy, is Marc. And I’d do my best to receive it, graciously.
If you’re not so good with the money yet, and I get it, I do, I have issues myself, start small. With compliments. Give one. Maybe give five. And be on the lookout for ones you get, and see how you are about receiving them. I used to answer every compliment about clothing with a rundown on how much I paid for it at the Goodwill. Still do, but at least I (usually) say “thank you” first.
Remember this year’s motto: “help is everywhere.” And the corollary, which I may not have shared yet, “…so ask for it, dumbass.”
It is. You should. We are.
xxx
c
Image by Mrs. Maze via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.
hi colleen– i wish i could write the way you do– its so smooth and enjoyable. and i agree, as jesus said- ask, and you shall receive, believe and it shall be given to you—he spent his life giving,and then gave his life —- no matter when or from where we learn this lesson, it brings peace ,order, and comfort. i like the lessons of kabbala that you have shared, its a great reminder for me personally. thanks,anne
This is great, C. I always brace myself a bit when I realize someone’s about to talk about “giving”, because it often ends up being preachy, imbalanced, or just impractical… but this is spot-on (as usual).
And, I love the corollary to your motto; makes it much easier to remember, too!
anne – Well, thankee for the compliment, but I would rather read how _you_ write…on your blog. Which (am I missing something?) is not up. So get that suckah up there, girl, and commence to writing about your own experiences! I haven’t had any of those yet, and I’d sure be interested to read about them
Adam – Hell, baby, you don’t think I brace myself when I sit down to write 90% of my posts here? Hey, assholio! What do YOU know about it, anyway? Oh, yeah. It’s the good times, being me!
Glad I managed to get it right, esp. on a tricky subject. Thanks for the encouragement–it really helps!
I’ve always had a tit-for-tat attitude toward money — holding on very tightly to it, trying to get “my money’s worth,’ not get ripped off… Tipping, especially, caused me a lot of angst: Why should I give a $1 tip at Starbucks when I’d already paid $4 for the coffee?!?
Then, a friend who is studying to be a financial counselor suggested that I think of money as energy, and that resonated with me and changed my whole penny-pinching outlook. Somehow I was much more comfortable with the idea of giving energy! The very next day, I excitedly gave a $1 tip at Dunkin’ Donuts and I felt great. With this simple mind-shift, it’s become much easier for me to believe that there is abundance out there for everyone.
When I give (compliments, money, time) I try to be mindful that by doing so, I increase the amount of energy in the system, overcoming entropy and encouraging positive change. I only give as I can afford to do so and always do so w/o expectation. In doing so, I am giving to myself as well as the direct object of my giving.
In addition, I’m SO excited that your blog is covered by a Creative Commons license. What a great way to give.
Namaste
Renita – I love that idea of money as energy. I started looking at it as “energy” from a time standpoint many years ago, when my income dropped dramatically (by choice, mainly). But the idea of just giving someone a little energy–like, SHAZAM!!!–that’s pretty awesome.
Landry – Another energy giver! And I like the idea of all things we give being energetic extensions of ourselves, or just us as conduits, keeping the flow of energy going.
I love the CC, don’t you? (And I know you do, since your stuff is all CC licensed, too.) All the pix I use here from Flickr (well, in the past couple of years) are CC licenses. Gives them exposure and makes the creative effort collaborative, plus way more interesting than if I was providing them myself. I should do a post on that.
There is always someone’s hand in my pocket and it really pisses me off sometimes. I am always trying to cut corners so I can keep a bit of that “energy” for a raining day, even go as far as suffering through a bout of Cat Scratch Fever until I could no longer endure the pain of growing testicles in my armpits.
I am always willing to pay my fair share of the electricity, water and gas I use but damn, why should I put the President of the eclectric company’s kids thru Harvard when I my kids will be lucky if they get to go to Community College? I USED to get all worked up about that until I found my 49 year old neighbor starving and dying from cancer.
She was 86 lbs when I found her..filthy, starving and in pain. I made sure I went over every day and brought her food, took her to Dr appointments and bathed her. She died three weeks later. I still feel guilty about being selfish and still wonder, had I found her sooner, if she would have lived a little longer? I was glad that I could be there for her in her last weeks on earth. It kind of feels like an honor.
Now when I sit down to pay bills, I am grateful I can afford to do it. There are many people that can’t even afford to feed themselves. I am so grateful that I am not one of them.
SHAZAM! I like that — going to use that as an internal sound effect the next time I give.
p.s. Yes, please do a post on the Creative Commons license, I was wondering about that and would be interested in learning more.
Renita – Well, I can’t claim credit, of course
But it is a good’un.
And I’ll put that CCL post into the hopper. There’s a lot of good posts about CC, but somehow, I’ve had trouble relating to them. Never hurts to have one more voice in support of a good cause!
I would love, love, LOVE if you would do a CC 101 post at some point, and make it really dumbed down for people who know too much but missed the tech boat on that one. I really did start reading about it long ago, thinking I could make sense of it and post accordingly, but then I never understood it enough in conjunction with the number of words I’ve sold to “big corporate meanies” and “less-big, less-corporate, less-mean businesses” plus the dang books I write to understand what the blogging dealio might really be.
So I played ostrich neck and… well, there we are.
AND, I still have to say thank you for the post about the “help is everywhere” thingy and the comment about charging twice as much, losing half the clients, and making money more efficiently because of it. See: me, 2008. Holy crap. It’s scary as hell and so wonderful. Already. And, fun fact, casting a $20M movie is just as much work as casting a $2.5M movie. Go figure!
Love you, CoCo. Cheese plate awaits!
XO
Bon – It would seem you are not the only one
Truth be told, I’d have to do a little more reading myself, to make sure I’m explaining it correctly. I get it enough to feel cool using it on my own stuff, but I’m always hemming and hawing when it comes to explaining it to clients.
That is AWESOME news about the clients! Yeah, it’s scary, but it’s the only way. Otherwise, you’re working for The Man, only The Man is you and not even kicking in for 2 weeks plus holidays and bennies. Eff that crap. As my friend, LH, sez, I don’t want to work for myself until I can treat myself better than my old (bad) bosses did. She has a point, has LH
Another brilliant line. Goodness, that LH is smart. Thankee.
I remembered this line in our theology class. They said that you will only realize that your life is meaningful when you open your hands to others. They said that it is better to give than to receive and you will only feel it when you give something to others, like the street children. We should always remember that they are also people with heart and soul and they also need the respect what is due to them.