Help is a yellow Volkswagen
I’ll admit it flat-out: I’m a bit chagrined by last year’s goal-post title.
To be fair, it wasn’t a total wash. Out of ten goals I set for myself last January, I fulfilled seven. Fairly good, percentage-wise. Especially since much of the year, I wasn’t consciously trying. Such is the truly awesome power of just writing things down (not to mention making them public!).
Still, there’s no question that one of last year’s gifts was in leaving room for improvement this year. I do like the Best Year Yet method, since it walks me through all the steps I might otherwise skip in my fresh-year enthusiasm. A fair amount of time gets devoted just to examining where the previous year went well and where it went off the rails, the idea being you’ll get the best sense of what lessons will prove most useful to you by examining where the hell you went so very, very wrong.
I’m happy to say that mine boiled down to two things:
- an unrealistic sense of what I can reasonably (or even unreasonably) expect to accomplish in a given chunk of time
- an almost pathological inability to ask for help.
Why happy? Because if I’m honest with myself, these twin terrors have probably kept me from more successes than any other things. “Inability to face up to stuff,” for example, is not on the list. Took a few years to get it off, but it is gonzo, brother. So is “depressed,” “unmotivated,” “refusal to look on the bright side,” and a host of other ills. As demons go, these two ain’t bad.
To help with my time issues, this year is going to be a lot about scheduling. Yes, I’ve scheduled in the scheduling.
I’m also putting a heavy emphasis on Asking For Help. My mantra for 2008 is “Help Is Everywhere,” both because I’m starting to see that it really and truly is everywhere, and because once you get it in your head to see yellow Volkswagens, that’s pretty much what you’re going to see.
2008? It’s the Year of The Yellow Volkswagen.
xxx
c
Image by slimmer jimmer via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.
TOPICS: Best Year Yet, change, goals, resolutions.
19 Comments, Comment or Ping
Bon
Excellent!! Can’t wait!
Jan 1st, 2008
Bon
Oh, and I joined the Twitter. Thanks for the nudge. I think. ;) XO
Jan 1st, 2008
Not Fainthearted
Right there with you on the collection of “organizational” tools. Sometimes the urge to buy a new calendar/journal/organizer almost gives me the shakes. (TMI, there probably.)
Hey, can I borrow, shameless plagiarize your slogan for the year? Seems to boil down what I’m up for this year in one pithy little bit. Pithy is good.
All the best in 2008.
Jan 1st, 2008
Jon Haupt
> an almost pathological inability to ask for help
Heh. Reminds me of my almost pathological inability to ask for
more money. However, I am in the middle of The Cure. I had a
pal long ago who decided to double his prices. He lost half his
clients, so he ended up making the same amount of money in
half the time. He gradually filled his free time with new clients
at his new prices.
My goal for 2008: Get more for what I give, or stay home and
water the geraniums.
;)
Jan 1st, 2008
Bon
Jon Haupt has just totally inspired me! Holy crap! An epiphany already in 2008. Awesome.
Jan 1st, 2008
communicatrix
Bon – Oh, you’re all on notice as being helpmates. Just so you know. And enjoy the Twitter. In moderation (hahahahahaha)
NFH – Borrow, steal, lift, what-have-you. The more people out there asking for help, the better off everyone is. Go for it!! (And best to you, too!)
Jon – Damn it–your friend is so right on. I need to man up and do the same. (You’ll forgive the expression, ladies; it’s existed longer than feminism and it’s such a good one.)
Bon – I know, right?!
Jan 1st, 2008
Charles
In the Jan. 2008 issue of Esquire magazine, Eric Clapton talks how he handled his addiction to alcohol. He said, “In treatment, the first thing they do is teach you to ask for help…with everything you do.” He gave an example of making coffee in the treatment center, but the coffee pot was dismantled and he had to ask for help to put the pieces together. I think if there’s one thing we should all resolve to do more of in ‘08 is ask others (peers, friends, family) for help or suggestions or opinions. A simple, “How would you do this?” or “What do you think?” could result in major strides in our own ability and results.
Jan 2nd, 2008
communicatrix
Charles – That’s interesting. I come from a long line of alcoholics (Irish/Swedish side) and I’ve never heard that. Is (false) self-sufficiency a trait of the addictive personality? Is it something about hiding–keeping your inadequacy secret?
Mary Ellen? Are you reading this thread? Yoo-hoo!
Jan 2nd, 2008
Mary Ellen
Of course I’m reading, now that I’ve donned my new bifocals. And right you are on both counts, girlfriend, false self-sufficiency usually cultivated in very early life, in response to profound experiences of disappointment in/ abandonment by key others. One’s early ability to convince oneself “I can do this alone. I don’t need others” is far better than the alternative–annihilation anxiety and even death. Children are capable of amazingly heroic intrapsychic feats that allow for survival in the face of compromised caregivers. In a very real way it becomes vital to keep feelings of vulnerability and inadequacy secret, even from oneself. The threats are simply too overwhelming to the intrapsychic system. The beauty of how life can unfold, though, for Clapton and others, for you and me, is the dawning awareness that just because dad wasn’t there for me or mom wasn’t there for me doesn’t mean others can’t/won’t be. But the neuronal pathways that have been carved in the psyche that say “Go it alone” are formidable and need a persistent and worthy opponent, such as your 2008 mantra. We now know that resolutions like these actually change the firing patterns of neurons in the brain, creating whole new neighborhoods of thinking and feeling. (Are you sorry you asked? I’ll stop now.)
Jan 3rd, 2008
communicatrix
ME – Oooh! Send me a snap of you in bifocals. And keep me updated on how they are. Horse that I am, I’m too used to leading with my nose to make the switch comfortably.
As to the rest, thank you for that excellent, concise summary. I’m glad to hear I’ve picked a good rewiring tool. I’ll keep you (and everyone else) posted on how it works.
Jan 3rd, 2008
jen_chan, writer SureFireWealth.com
2008 sounds like an exciting year for you! Perhaps what is best and daunting (at the same time) about making your goals public is that you’re now committed to fulfilling them more than you would have had you kept them to yourself.
Jan 3rd, 2008
Kate Hill
“Asking for help” must be the hardest thing for me to do. Like not asking directions, I enjoy the panic too much. I get praise -sort of- for going it alone, not for being a good manager. And I’m not one! In my decidedly NOT corporate world I was looking around for good role models, different enough to shake my world. That’s why even though I let the asklizryan emails linger in my junk mail I still read/scan them. Thanks for posting your ideas there and leading me to your newsletter AND giving me a WHOLE lot to think about blogging and bizness while writing in Southwest France. merci!
Jan 4th, 2008
communicatrix
Jen – I wonder if that’s true. I blogged about them last year, and…well…you see?
Still, there is something about going public with something that is transformational. Already, since I brought up the help thing, help has been crawling out from everywhere! Like nice bugs!
Kate – Il n’y a pas de quoi! I am delighted you found me, and that you’ve found stuff here to inspire you. The more people out there creating, the better.
Jan 4th, 2008
steffy
What if the only people that a person has to turn to are so wrapped up in their own drama they couldn’t possible be of any assistance? Who would one turn to then?
Jan 4th, 2008
Write Procrastinator
Happy Belated New Year.
I thought that you might want to know that during the Seattle/Washington halftime show, they brought the fact that the quarterback of the Jacksonville Jaguars, David Garrard has Crohn’s as well.
Jan 5th, 2008
communicatrix
steffy – Tough one. A couple of thoughts:
1. Learn how to turn the question/query for help into something that will interest or benefit them.
Most people will help you if they feel like they’re really helping themselves. It’s easier to ask for advice using this hack, b/c you can appeal to someone’s vanity: they’re this big expert! Someone is asking them for advice! Doesn’t work as well when you’re looking for help moving to a new apartment. (Although I would be the first one to say, hire help for this. Don’t cheap out. Too easy to piss away goodwill with moving favors.)
2. Think more creatively about “help” and where it can come from.
Your most obvious resources–the people and institutions that come to mind first–aren’t the only resources available to you, and may not be the best ones.
3. Use this as an opportunity to review where you’re placing your friendship.
Maybe your friends suck. Or maybe (take a deep breath) you suck. You see, I used to suck. A lot. I was a shitty, self-centered “friend” in many ways. Frankly, it was a miracle I had help from certain quarters for many years.
I’m nicer now, and quicker to give help. And, whaddya know, there’s more help for ME now when I need it.
Write Procrastinator – And to you, too!
While I’m happy to have awareness raised RE: the nastiness that is Crohn’s, I fucking hate the motherfucking Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation, a.k.a. the puppet government backed by big pharma.
There were horror stories that used to come up on the Long Island ListServ about people getting shouted down at CCFA meetings when they even tried bringing up the success they’d had with the SCD (Specific Carbohydrate Diet). So fuck them and fuck their big money. They’re making all kinds of money on maintenance drugs that do nothing but hold things at bay for a while.
One reason I got back on SCD was to get off these toxic meds once and for all. I’m on a very low maintenance dose of mercaptopurine for peace of mind. But it’s a liver killer. My dad died of complications from Crohn’s (liver failure) b/c of his stubborn refusal to alter his diet and lifestyle, and his physicians are complicit, as far as I’m concerned.
Western medicine excels at the silver bullet: surgery, for example. Attending to acute trauma. If your appendix blows up, you want to be in driving distance of a Western hospital.
But our doctors get almost no holistic training. There’s some grudging acceptance that stress can be a contributing factor to illness, and that poor diet can contribute to overall ill health, but not nearly enough.
On the other hand, most of us are raised to be sheeple, turning over authority to our doctors. Ridiculous. They should be partners, not bosses or gods.
Jan 5th, 2008
Write Procrastinator
Sorry, I didn’t realize that the link was fluff piece for the big pharma as I was watching the game, while I cut and pasted it. They made it seem wondrous that he could go from missing the ‘04 season, to what appears to be he his old self. He won by the way, though I’d be amazed if got the exact same treatment as anyone else would, they couldn’t have some of his public statue getting the worst of the side-effects, that would be a real business killer.
That is the beauty of holistic medicine in that when it is effective, it doesn’t go to town on your organs.
I’m also sorry to hear about your pop.
Jan 8th, 2008
communicatrix
WP – Hey, no probs. I’m happy for the opp to get on my soapbox and rant about the CCFA.
I doubt he got any special treatment, unless you’re talking the special treatment that anyone who has money or decent health insurance gets over someone who doesn’t. The drugs for IBD all suck in some way, but they can be miraculous in holding things at bay, and many of the side effects don’t show up for years. Conveniently, I would say, esp. in cases like this.
Thanks for saying that about Dad. It was his life to live as he pleased, even if it was kind of annoying/scary for his loved ones. And he outlived Mom, who had equally good longevity genes, by nine years. Hooray for alcoholism, the great leveler. (God, can I possible have spelled that right? Is “leveler” even a word, when not a brand name?)
Jan 8th, 2008