Lean into the fear
This is dark days, my friends.
Not an hour goes by where some cold chill of a fear doesn’t pass over my heart and threaten to bring me down. This election. This war. This economy, and what it’s doing to people. The never-ending, always-on stream of bad news and…well, what it’s not doing to people.
I read a good book over my 10 days away in Chicago by a crazy young hardcore punk zen monk. It gave me odd comfort, along with some perspective. Perspective, because things have always been crazy: they were crazy when Gautama Buddha set out on his quest; they’re crazy now.
Comfort, because one really persuasive answer, while not exactly easy, seems pretty straightforward: accept responsibility.
For yourself.
For the things under your control, that help shape the world—your anger, your fear, your not-niceness. Your living-in-smallness. (Oh, and by “you”? I totally mean “me.” So we’re clear.)
While a Twitter-friend assures me we’re not technically in a recession, the fact is almost beside the point: our fears, my fears, are telling us we are. And, as another new nerd-friend says, the answer lies in addressing the fears head on, and with grace and compassion. Be here now. Love thy neighbor…actively. Ground yourself in the truth of you.
I thought about all this stuff over and over these past several days. It was hard not to. Between the overwhelming generosity of all my friends, old and new—who lent me their homes and spare bedrooms, who took time out to meet with me, who bought me meals and drinks, who showered me with love—and the long, long walks I took all over my beautiful native city, one thing got hammered home time and time again: enjoy this moment, right now. This soft bed, this slice of pizza, this drizzle of rain, this “L” train that showed up at exactly the right time, this hug, this laugh.
I have a mission statement that I’ve had for a while, which I mentioned recently—”To be a joyful conduit of truth, beauty and love.” But it is also nice to have a platform: some slightly more actionable ideals to root your ass in the here and now, and the way you’d like the next here-and-now to be. When I was Chief Nerd of my Nerdmasters club, my platform was thusly:
- Have fun.
- Leave things better than we found them.
- Start and end the meetings on time.
I chose them because, for whatever reasons, we’d let these things slide during the administrations before mine, and…well, it kind of chapped my hide. But the exercise of addressing these things week after week—of plotting a path that would make the platform real—both helped me realize it and why things slip away to begin with: because we are focused on other things. My presidency was far from perfect, but dammit, we had fun, that room and the people in it were better off when we left each Thursday night, and we got to the bar in time to get the drinking underway at a reasonable hour. Plus we learned what needed to happen next time. What still needed to be worked on.
What projects lay before us.
For the next few months, I’m committing to my own platform. I want to honor (and, god willin’ and the creek don’t rise) wrap up my previous commitments. I want to revisit my Best Year Yet plan I so earnestly began in January. I have new projects, including one promise I made with a lovely lady in Chicago, that I intend to see through.
And beyond that, I am going to adopt and adapt my Nerdmasters platform from last year as my personal platform for the rest of this one:
- I will have fun.
- I will leave things—myself, my people, my projects—better than I found them.
- And I will start and end my days on time. (Uh…after this one.)
I have some other ideas for how to tell Mr. Fear to take a hike which I’ll share as time goes on and I actually start putting them into practice. In the meantime, I’d love to hear what’s going on with you: what are you doing to grab your life by the horns, and what can the rest of us learn from it?
xxx
c
Image by tcd123usa via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.
TOPICS: change, fear, life.
16 Comments, Comment or Ping
Spike
Certainly is a lot to be afraid of these days, I hear that. Especially late at night, laying awake, thinking about what isn’t there, worrying about what you don’t know.
What am I doing to grab life by the horns? Not grabbing at the horns. Grasping and aversion be damned. I just get up every day. Try to pay attention. Try not to lose my shix. Try not to step in cow-pies.
Mr.Warner’s first book, “Hardcore Zen” is worth checking out too.
May 7th, 2008
Mahala
It’s funny (not funny haha.. funny hmmm) that I’d read this today. I was up after an hour in bed last night, with a full fledged anxiety attack. When asked what I was worried about I said, “nothing.. and everything.”
May 7th, 2008
@Stephen
Hi Colleen, Thanks for the link, I think. I was attempting, in 140 char or less to point you in this direction. I am so glad that you are here now. Because it is about now, and here.
I had a 6-day MSM media-fast before and during SOBCon, in which I was able to immerse in my network of new/old friends and begin to learn a new media strategy.
I did not miss the “bad news” that spills out of the TV like a friggin’ open sewer. Bad news that pushed one or more agendas to make me scared, to create an atmosphere of despair that pushes me into the arms of one politico or another because they will CHANGE my life.
I don’t want my life to change! I am more in charge of my own destiny than ever before, I have a loving wife and cozy home. And my future is in my hands, not some presidential candidate who will bring about the second kingdom. I am so sick of this election, it seems that it has been going on for a lifetime.
Can’t we tell them to stop it and go home? To leave us alone? I want to take responsibility for myself, not have it taken away.
I will update my strategy and ping you shortly. God bless.
May 7th, 2008
Dave G
Good post in these days of fear. This Bush presidency was exactly the disaster I thought it would be. I need to find the zen within me. thank you for urging me to do so.
May 7th, 2008
Mark
Thank you. your post really spoke to me. Like Mahala, I spent most of last night in full-fledged worry.
Your Nerdmaster mission resonates though. Making things better than you found them is more achievable than ‘fixing’ things. Some of this stuff can’t be fixed, but it can be made better.
May 7th, 2008
the communicatrix
Spike - I’m totally going to check out the first book. What a great voice! But as he sez, buddhism is a “doing” thing, not a “reading about” thing. Keep at the fear. Just paying attention is like turning on a light in a dark room. You know that, I know. Talking to myself as much as anyone.
Mahala - Ain’t it the way? My other favorite thing is when I haven’t seen someone in five years (or 15, or 20) and they say “Hey! What’s new?” and I answer, “Oh…nothing!” Because really, it’s everything and nothing, at the same time.
@Stephen - I gave up TV over a year and a half ago and boy, do I not miss it. Well, I do miss it sometimes (sweet, sweet TV) but I don’t miss the anxiety it created. Pretty easy to give up the paper: everyone’s doing that. I like some radio, but I listen to it far more critically.
I know what you mean about not wanting your life to change, but I’m guessing you mean you don’t want it changed *for* you. Because the nature of things is change–you wouldn’t have the nifty setup you have now otherwise–so it’s foolish to wanna wish it away. (Talk about wasting time & annoying the pig.)
Keep at the thread of it. You’re doing everything right, turning outside for information and inside for answers. Look forward to chatting.
Dave G - You and your magical crystal ball, huh? :-) Lard, what a hopeless waste of space he was. Let’s hope the damage is un-doable, huh?
Be the change, baby; be the change…
May 7th, 2008
GirlPie
GREAT platform to live by —
That starting/stopping on time is the toughie and cramps my creative spirit, but I really like the idea. So I’ll see how different days of the week call for different ‘meeting times’ (my tea+RSS Reader mtg starts after my housework mtg but before client mtgs, but that may be late-day sometimes) and — I’ll practice flexibility.
Thanks for the great hook to hang my thoughts on!
May 7th, 2008
the communicatrix
Mark - These elections and all the crap the MSM is spewing (and, let’s face it–the thought that McCain would elect the same kind of judges as Bushie) is pretty scary to a lot of us. I’m cynical enough to believe that the megatheocorporatocracy, as Twisty would say, would like to keep us fearful, but not all the time. Most of the time, I think they’re just doing it to sell things. Ugh. Bah. Ugh.
GirlPie - Thanks. I wish I could take credit, but it was one of those things (okay, three of those things) that just popped into my head. And yeah, always on the flexibility. A state of balanced readiness is probably best for most things.
May 7th, 2008
Anita Bruzzese
How is it that we’ve written about the same subjects (embracing change, confronting fear and managing time) in the last several days? I think, my new friend, it’s because we’re expressing what everyone feels these days. That means that we’ve got a lot of people to help us and encourage us as they search for the same things. That’s pretty cool, huh?
Anita Bruzzese
May 7th, 2008
communicatrix
I think there’s a lot of fear in the air these days, esp. stateside. Sadly, our beautiful country has existed in a bubble fueled by hubris and credit, and it looks like we’re gonna have to wake up and join the rest of the world soon.
The more of us who feel it early on and can connect and say, “Hey, yeah, these feelings are real and this stuff is happening and what’s up with YOU and what happens NEXT?”, the better.
And yes, my new and very wise friend, that is cool, indeedy-do.
May 8th, 2008
Sunny
Colleen — I’ve decided to be in charge of me. I get so tired waiting for “other” perople to make decisions about me. Today, when I finished writing my book proposal, I sent it off, and spent a whole half hour being proud of myself and persevering when I could have easily given up. I don’t let people hijack my moods, if I can help it. That means TV and news headlines.I keep trying not to measure myself against any goals exept those I feel good about. And I’m definitely happier!
May 8th, 2008
the communicatrix
That is some kickass attitude, Sunny. I love that your attitude and your name match so well: talk about consistency of message!
May 8th, 2008
steffy
As the great Gandhi once said….”Be the change you wish to see in the world”.
Why is fear always looked at as a weakness or an undesirable emotion? Fear can sometimes be very beneficial. It warns us of impending danger, stops us from making bad decisions and sometimes even gets us to change what needs changing. I say embrace your fears and investigate why you are feeling them. It just might be the Universe telling you something.
May 8th, 2008
Derek
“The mind is the maker of fear; and when it analyzes fear, seeking its cause in order to be free from it, the mind only further isolates itself and thereby increases fear.” JK
May 8th, 2008
the communicatrix
Steffy - That is, like, one of the world’s all-time best quotes, isn’t it?
You bring up a good point: fear is as necessary in the palette as all the rest of the emotions/reactions. And like the rest, can be a map. So absolutely, I’m not against fear per se, and if it comes across that way, it’s just baaaad communicating on my part.
Derek - That Krishnamurti was no slouch.
I’m just starting to get around to this kind of non-thinking as thinking way. Such a Westerner, I know. One of these days, I’m even going to get off my ass and sit down.
May 9th, 2008
Derek
I disagree, or rather, I question the statement, “if fear is as necessary in the palette as all the rest of the emotions/reactions.” In fact, I even wonder if emotion itself leads us toward fear, or fear toward emotion?
May 10th, 2008
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