I am not exactly an expert on destuckification—that’s Havi‘s purview (she even has a packet!)—but I’ve been stuck in enough ruts to have learned a thing or two about getting out of them.
More to the point, I am a goddamned patented, triple-certified, Lifetime Achievement Award-winner of grappling with change, largely because, like most things we become intimately familiar with, I suck eggs at it.
Which is why I am delighted when anything comes together in such a way as to let me see the bastard from ever-so-slightly a different angle. Or two angles, or maybe two lenses that, when focused properly, bring a microscopic part of the bastard into sharp focus.
A few days ago, one of my favorite writer-thinkers on or off the web, Seth Godin, posted a little sumpin’-sumpin’ about the bastard. It’s about the rut part of change, or the one of the states you find yourself in when change not only seems like the only answer, but only the remotest of possibilities. Only as Seth points out, it’s not. You can—hold on for tricky footwork—switch ruts!
Okay, so you’re not really hauling yourself out of a rut by climbing into another. Although I suppose you’re welcome to turn it into another rut, if you’re a glutton for punishment. No, Seth’s radical suggestion is that you hop out of your rut by changing everything, and there are some pretty “everything” suggestions he floats out there like deleting your entire website and starting from scratch, or moving to Thailand.
But there are some equally non-seemingly-”everything” items on the list, too. Starting a blog? Listening to live music? Buying art? These are “everything”?
They are, though, when you are lodged comfily (or not) in your rut. When you’re prone with grief, weeping into a pillow, exhausted by your own emotion, getting off the bed is “everything.” Getting off the bed and walking to the bathroom to wash your face? Holy crap, that’s “everything” with a cherry on top. Getting off the bed, washing your face in the bathroom and going to the kitchen to make a tin of soup? Good night, Irene—it’s a revolution!
Robert Genn, the fine artist who writes the fantabulous newsletter I’m always after you all to sign up for, puts the rut equation slightly differently: the not-moving is sterility, the moving is fertility, and getting from one to the other is as simple (not easy! although sometimes!) as changing up your media or mixing up your speed, slow for the fasties, fast for the slowies.
Yesterday, I had a real-length walk in the morning. (Don’t worry, I took it slow.) Afterward, I had a cup of coffee. (Okay, maybe not as noble a change, but I needed to try it to see if I’d fall apart, because I was a-skeert I would. I didn’t.) I did some writing, and, per a friend’s gentle admonition, did not worry about the writing I could not do. I gave myself permission to go to bed early, and to make this short. (Attention new readers! This post length is short for this blog! You’ve been warned…)
Everything is a rut (that’s the bad news); “everything” is a way out of it (that’s the good news). You don’t have to work on all your ruts at once. You don’t even have to work on any of them at all, in fact, but I hope you will. We all have lonely roads to walk, but when we’re all walking them, o, how we’ll learn as we all cross paths…
xxx
c
{ 10 comments }
You have no idea how much I needed this post today. last week, I made the unprecedented decision to stop looking for a ft job in Boston (moving in August) and freelance/write. Whoa! I go a million miles an hour and never slow down. Usually it is easy for me to adjust to moving/change, being a military brat, but this time I am struggling. Don’t want to jump into another rut….but not trusting myself or fate right now, either.
This is great: “Everything is a rut (that’s the bad news); “everything” is a way out of it (that’s the good news). ” So true! I love the balance here. There is good and there is bad. I guess it’s up to us to think about how we want to see it…
If you don’t mind my asking, in what kind of a rut do you find yourself?
Is it a personal rut? Professional? Creative? Financial? Existential?
Or perhaps all/none of the above? (i.e. your depressed at the moment and everything looks like a rut)
BTW, thank you for your writing. I’m new and I’m enjoying it. But I also don’t want it to be like slowing down on the freeway to look at a traffic accident.
I’ve had change on the brain a lot lately. The last rut I would’ve thought I’d take action on a week and a half ago, I just changed by coming out to my parents. Of all things, watching a comedy/talk show vlog with an awesome lesbian comedian host got under my skin in the space of a week and incited action.
Having made one change, the other, bigger ruts in my life are demanding attention. Knowing what I want so I can pursue it is pretty much the stumbling block there…
Congrats @Lauren. Some of us are only comfortable with lots of change (who me?) which can be a rut in and of itself! Oh the stories my therapist could tell you. But I did start a teensy weensy blog project. I would love to move to Thailand and such but am experimenting with the very scary change cycle of staying put and putting down roots.
Lauren – Congratulations! And “you go!” And I know you know this, but you’re pouring all your look-for-a-FT-job energy into getting-your-business-set-up-to-run-right now, yes? Keep me posted!
PP – I guess it’s up to us to think about how we want to see it. Exactly my point. I hesitated to post this because of the confusion I thought use of “rut” might engender, but I figured I’d go for it as, like Claire, change is on my brain quite a bit these days.
Besides, I’m getting down with the notion that these blog posts can serve as etudes for more fully fleshed-out (i.e. thoughtful, edited) work later.
Jim – More like old behaviors finally getting enough in the way that I’m having to shed them. And they’re all intertwined: my old way of physically doing things and thinking about things is getting in my way of doing the Next Thing.
Don’t worry about gawking, though. I did dip into a bit of a depression when the Crohn’s started flaring up a few weeks ago, but overall, my baseline of happiness is pretty high, and I bounce back well. Thanks for asking.
Claire – HOLY CATS. Congratulations. That’s huge. And yeah, once you address a big, underlying one, a lot of other stuff tends to change pretty swiftly. Hang on and take good care of yourself!
Kelly – Staying put is scary? Interesting. Good for you. Also, Jennifer Lawler’s blog is TEH awesome. Seriously. All aspiring writers must go there now.
Glad to hear you got out for a walk!!! One foot in front of the other is a sure way to move forward. Sounds like progress to me!!
Thanks for the blog. I truly love reading it.
Tallyho!!!! Pam
First, just the thought of ‘deleting your entire website and starting over’ made me cringe and made me queasy. (Which is funny because I’ve been thinking about doing something along those lines. ;-) )
And Lauren! I’m a PK who moved tons and tons of times. And suddenly, the last one? Was hard. It didn’t make sense to me either. But it was. Good luck with the business & the move! (And wow! What you’re doing is quite impressive there!)
All the best!
deb
Everything is a “rut.” Brilliant. That’s the escape. Brilliant. I can choose to live another day. Your rut; my escape.
Pam – Thank *you*! It’s up and down, recovery, but I’m taking the long view. I appreciate the support.
Deb – Maybe you should do it? ;-) Leading by example?
Larry – Well, I don’t know about brilliant. But it makes some sense to look at it that way at times. That’s enough for me!
Comments on this entry are closed.