How about we start off this year’s list with a riddle:
Q: What’s harder than writing your annual 100 Things list?
A: Writing it after a year of blogging every day, plus once weekly somewhere else, plus writing a monthly column, plus writing another monthly newsletter, plus tweeting, plus Facebooking, plus whatever other goddamned writing-type stuff that I do in the course of my non-writing work.
You’d think all of that writing would prime me for some kickass listmaking: all that material! All spelled out, organized and time-stamped! Because hey! I’m a Virgo, right? But you’d be wrong. Hours and hours’ worth of 100% wrong.
Still, this is one of those exercises I derive a great deal of value from that other people seem to enjoy as well. Your win-win, if you will. So without further ado, here you goo.
Go. I meant “go.”
Oy, has this been a long year…
- You’re never too old to be a nimrod.
- Or less of one.
- Or, thanks to Mike Monteiro, out yourself as one.
- Malcolm Gladwell is even hotter in person.
- Kermit didn’t know how right he was.
- Beginnings are lovely.
- But endings have a kind of mature Ã©lan.
- Boulders suck infinitely less c*ck when you mock them.
- Especially when you do it in 2/4 time.
- But I still wish I could see the top of this motherf*cking hill.
- The journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single purse-cleaning.
- Even a comments thread can be a collaborative work of genius.
- If you think your period is annoying, wait until you slide into a full stop.
- For that matter, wait until I do.
- My estimator is still bigger than my actualizer.
- Blogs are going the way of the buggy whip.
- So stick a sarsaparilla in my arthritic claw and call me “Granny.”
- I love Hulu, but I will pay for Netflix.
- When the going gets tough, refer your ass off.
- SXSW doesn’t get older: it gets better.
- Okay, it gets older and better.
- But mostly better.
- A second screen is worth its weight in third computers.
- Burning out on words is where poetry begins.
- Everyone has her price.
- Mine, apparently, is a whopping 4%.
- I will never become my best until I stop trying to be the biggest.
- It really is nicer to give than to receive.
- Making things is great.
- Making things because you must is sublime.
- Most of my favorite places are islands of awesome in a sea of shit.
- Nei kung puts the “whee!” in chi.
- “Meat salad” is not an oxymoron.
- Or a euphemism.
- (Outside the pokey, anyway.)
- Anything can be art.
- You can learn at least as much about yourself from the lists you don’t write as the ones you do.
- There’s nothing better than reading a great book.
- Except for reading a great book by someone you know.
- Commitment is still the sound of prison doors slamming shut.
- I’ll run out of money before I run out of money for art.
- Tina Fey is every bit as good as they said she was.
- No, better.
- It is much harder to figure out how to get somewhere when you don’t know what “there” looks like.
- That goddamn Yehuda Berg is a smart dude.
- Goddamn him.
- The best way to save time is to buy more of it.
- Dollar for entertainment dollar, you cannot beat what came out of Judy Garland’s twat.
- Just don’t bring it up over Christmas dinner.
- Sometimes, the good guys win.
Next installment: Wednesday, December 30th! Can’t wait? Luckily for you, I’ve been doing this crazy sh*t for five years!