List #1: Shake That Funk!

Since my brush with death (well, okay, my brush with losing my colon) and subsequent epiphany two years ago, I'm a pretty happy gal 99.99% of the time. No lie.

I have not, however, reached that zen-like state of peace wherein the joy with which I greet each morning stays unflaggingly through a Day of Horror.

There are many things that bring me joy, but many of them require time (Caddyshack, trip to New York), money (shopping, trip to New York), or serendipity (random compliments, first date that blows your doors off, seeing that asshat Expedition get pulled over 1/2 mile down the I-10 for blowing through the on-ramp light in the carpool lane).

Plus, sometimes I'm not really even looking for joy. Sometimes, not-funk will do me just fine.

Also, making lists is one of those things that makes me happy. Heck, even reading other people's lists makes me happy.

So here are five things I've discovered that not only will shake your funk, but will often leave your home looking better, cleaner and more organized than before. The hawk-eyed will note a repetitive quality to most of the items. That's because these are really meditations in disguise. There's a monkey-work thing to occupy the chattery part of your brain so the real you can re-calibrate and get some goddam (mental) peace and quiet. As my first shrink/astrologer liked to say, meditation doesn't have to mean parking your ass on a cushion.

Five Ways to Shake Your Funk, Domestic-Goddess Style

  1. Wash all* your dishes. By hand.
  2. Scrub your tile grout with bleach** and a toothbrush.
  3. Iron your sheets***.
  4. Shampoo your wall-to-wall carpet...with a hand-held spot cleaner.
  5. Sew something. Curtains seems to work the best, since they have long seams. (NOTE: Do not sew curtains made from burlap with a chiffon
    backing, no matter how good an idea it seems at the time.)


*This works really well because generally, the dishes have piled up in direct proportion to the size of the funk.

**Actually, I use all-purpose cleaner with bleach, but go ahead and be as environmentally conscious, or not, as you want. Mother Earth will do better with your head screwed on right.

***Only works with all-cotton sheets. If you dig percale, substitute window-washing or vertical-blind cleaning. And never iron dirty sheets! Ew! Stinky!