Extensis® can kiss my Arsis

Here's one thing I learned pretty quickly in my capacity as self-taught designer: fonts suck. I mean, fonts RULE, they totally FUCKING rule, but they are delicate and unwieldy and fuck with your OS* like you wouldn't believe. For years, seven of 'em, as long as I've been doing this design stuff, I've suffered in silence (HA!) as my system froze, crashed, hung or otherwise made my life a living heck because of fucking font problems. For those same years, I've shelled out good money for font management software to try to lessen the pain of dealing with fucking font problems. (Of course, if I moved to web-based design instead of print, 99% of my font issues would vanish instantly, but hell, I can hardly be expected to give up the glamor that is low-end, gang-run print for the pedestrian world of web publishing. No...that would be too EASY.)

This weekend, I broke down and bought FontAgent Pro. Let me repeat that, and maybe scribble it in a notebook with "Mrs." and my name before it like a silly schoolgirl in love, FONT AGENT PRO!

As we say in SoCal, Dude...duuuuuuude!!!

It auto-activates in every goddam program, including Photoshop. It stays in the background until it's needed, instead of launching at startup and lurking on the desktop, causing trouble. Fonts launch in MILLISECONDS, I tell you, MILLISECONDS, instead of the minutes it was starting to take in That Other Font Management Program. There's a genius font-comparison panel built into the program's main window where you can line 'em up with your own sample text (fucking DUH!!!!)

And best of all, my OS has not hung, crashed or frozen once this weekend since installation. Not. Once.

So FUCK YOU, Extensis. And just so all the search engines can find it:


  1. FontAgent Pro compared to Suitcase KICKS ASS!!!
  2. Suitcase IS ass!!!
  3. FontAgent Pro is the only font managment software you should buy and is worth every bit of 99 bucks and finally, because from personal experience I know that this will show up in more searches than anything else I could ever write...
  4. FontAgent Pro. AND giant labia AND colorectal singalong AND Jane Kaczmerek naked.

Nyah nyah nyah.

(Sorry, Jane.)

Peace, out.

xxx c

Above graphics use Arsis, launched with FontAgent Pro, and lovingly crafted in Photoshop, which did NOT fucking crash during use due to evil Extensis Suitcase.

*OS = "operating system", in case you are even less geeky than me

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