100 Things I Learned in 2009, Part 1

colleenamplified_technotheory How about we start off this year's list with a riddle:

Q: What's harder than writing your annual 100 Things list?

A: Writing it after a year of blogging every day, plus once weekly somewhere else, plus writing a monthly column, plus writing another monthly newsletter, plus tweeting, plus Facebooking, plus whatever other goddamned writing-type stuff that I do in the course of my non-writing work.

You'd think all of that writing would prime me for some kickass listmaking: all that material! All spelled out, organized and time-stamped! Because hey! I'm a Virgo, right? But you'd be wrong. Hours and hours' worth of 100% wrong.

Still, this is one of those exercises I derive a great deal of value from that other people seem to enjoy as well. Your win-win, if you will. So without further ado, here you goo.

Go. I meant "go."

Oy, has this been a long year...

xxx c

  1. You're never too old to be a nimrod.
  2. Or less of one.
  3. Or, thanks to Mike Monteiro, out yourself as one.
  4. Malcolm Gladwell is even hotter in person.
  5. Kermit didn't know how right he was.
  6. Beginnings are lovely.
  7. But endings have a kind of mature élan.
  8. Boulders suck infinitely less c*ck when you mock them.
  9. Especially when you do it in 2/4 time.
  10. But I still wish I could see the top of this motherf*cking hill.
  11. The journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single purse-cleaning.
  12. Even a comments thread can be a collaborative work of genius.
  13. If you think your period is annoying, wait until you slide into a full stop.
  14. For that matter, wait until I do.
  15. My estimator is still bigger than my actualizer.
  16. Blogs are going the way of the buggy whip.
  17. So stick a sarsaparilla in my arthritic claw and call me "Granny."
  18. I love Hulu, but I will pay for Netflix.
  19. When the going gets tough, refer your ass off.
  20. SXSW doesn't get older: it gets better.
  21. Okay, it gets older and better.
  22. But mostly better.
  23. A second screen is worth its weight in third computers.
  24. Burning out on words is where poetry begins.
  25. Everyone has her price.
  26. Mine, apparently, is a whopping 4%.
  27. I will never become my best until I stop trying to be the biggest.
  28. It really is nicer to give than to receive.
  29. Making things is great.
  30. Making things because you must is sublime.
  31. Most of my favorite places are islands of awesome in a sea of shit.
  32. Nei kung puts the "whee!" in chi.
  33. "Meat salad" is not an oxymoron.
  34. Or a euphemism.
  35. (Outside the pokey, anyway.)
  36. Anything can be art.
  37. You can learn at least as much about yourself from the lists you don't write as the ones you do.
  38. There's nothing better than reading a great book.
  39. Except for reading a great book by someone you know.
  40. Commitment is still the sound of prison doors slamming shut.
  41. I'll run out of money before I run out of money for art.
  42. Tina Fey is every bit as good as they said she was.
  43. No, better.
  44. It is much harder to figure out how to get somewhere when you don't know what "there" looks like.
  45. That goddamn Yehuda Berg is a smart dude.
  46. Goddamn him.
  47. The best way to save time is to buy more of it.
  48. Dollar for entertainment dollar, you cannot beat what came out of Judy Garland's twat.
  49. Just don't bring it up over Christmas dinner.
  50. Sometimes, the good guys win.

Next installment: Wednesday, December 30th! Can't wait? Luckily for you, I've been doing this crazy sh*t for five years!







Image by Jared Goralnick (@technotheory) via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.