Wrapping up this fine and crazy year in 50 short-to-medium numbered items. If you have OCD or something like that, you might want to read the first 50 short-to-medium numbered items first.

1. I may not be a dog person, but I’m definitely an Arnie person.
2. In every possible figurative sense, my eyes will probably always be bigger than my stomach.
3. Television? What television?
4. The shortest distance between two points is often a half-bottle of chianti.
5. Time crawls when you commit to doing something every day for 30 days.
6. The strongest proof of global warming may just be a visit to my apartment in September.
7. Life is better with regularly scheduled Ladies’ Nights.
8. And TextExpander.
9. Just because you have seen someone over and over on the internet does not mean they are ready to embrace you as an old friend when you finally greet them during a surprise run-in at the coffee shop.
10. Especially when they are four.
11. And you are interfering with their immediate receipt of hot chocolate.
12. Lead by example.
13. Podcasts are easier heard than made.
14. Bank accounts are easier closed than opened.
15. The price of grinding your teeth at night has more than doubled since 1998.
16. There may be a wearout number of viewings for Play Misty for Me, but at 50, I’ve yet to hit it.
17. No matter how evolved I get, from time to time, I will be That Asshole.
18. Designing album covers is every bit as cool as you thought it would be when you were 10.
19. Even if the albums are now only 5″x5″.
20. And will mostly be downloaded anyway.
21. Despite optometrists’ exhortations to the contrary, you do not actually need to buy a new pair of glasses every year.
22. If you want something done, schedule it.
23. You never know where your next job will come from.
24. That goes double if you have a blog.
25. Those classes at the Learning Annex are as educational as you’d expect them to be.
26. That doesn’t mean you won’t learn from them.
27. The Central Coast is even better when seen from the picture window of your own, private rental home.
28. Never say “never.”
29. On the other hand, “no” is a really good thing to say from time to time.
30. If Malcolm Gladwell does not want to be my next boyfriend, Jonathan Coulton will do just fine.
31. Or Bob McBarton, if I can convince him to leave his adorable wife and daughter.
32. Or Dan Savage, if he’d be into batting for the other team.
33. The point where dreams get truly difficult is when they start coming true.
34. You can’t quit (or start) until you’re ready.
35. When it comes to letting my hair go, I’m still a total scrotum.
36. The best birthday presents are the ones that cost nothing and show up unexpectedly.
37. It is way more fun to marry other people than to marry, period.
38. Trying to compose 100-things lists in the WP text editor is like trying to make a pie wearing mittens.
39. She who doth not invoice, doth not get paid.
40. Let it go.
41. Really—just let it go.
42. I’m serious…let it the fuck go, already!!!
43. Boobage is a pain in the ass.
44. People are amazingly good at providing help.
45. Especially when you ask.
46. Sadly, nothing much has changed from a management perspective since Upton Sinclair’s time.
47. Happily, much has changed regarding access to the means of production.
48. The less you make of the holidays, the more fun they are.
49. Even if you own, you’re only renting.
50. When in doubt, put on Django Reinhardt…

Happy new year, one and all!

xxx
c

It may be a while before I post another one of these, so…

2007

• 100 things, Part I

2006

• 100 things, Part I
• 100 things, Part II

2005

• 100 things, Part I
• 100 things, Part II

2004

• 100 things, Part I
• 100 things, Part II

TOPICS: annual 100, List-o-rama!.

1. The standards for Seattle coffee are so high that even Starbucks tastes better there.
2. The early settlers accidentally built all of their gift shops underground.
3. Two miles feels like 22 when it is all uphill.
4. Mel Brooks has another big hit on his hands.
5. Crumpets taste better by the water.
6. Ditto cupcakes, ham & eggs, beer, coconut pie, and everything on the menu at Etta’s.
7. If I lived there, I would have two muffin tops.
8. From across the room, in glasses and pigtails, I am Decoy Megan Mullally.
9. The ride to Bainbridge beats the island itself, hands down.
10. I still like Portland best.

TOPICS: communicatrix, List-o-rama!, Seattle.

As most of you know, I’m off the dating train—too far off to write a book or a blog that would be of use, and yet I cannot stand for my hard-won knowledge to go unused.

So when I came across this random list in my mini-purge-fest, I figured that at the very least, I could slap it into a blog post without looking ridiculous.

There are whole books—nay, shelves upon shelves of books these days—you can read on the topic of dating. If you’re looking for more, I’d suggest If the Buddha Dated. (There’s some good advice in He’s Just Not That Into You, too, but it’s mostly in the title, with a few extra tips easily extracted in a half-hour, in-store read.)

And like I’ve said before: better to rent than own! Or at least, rent first!

Okay—on with the list.

The communicatrix’s Top 10 Tips for Dating If You’re Doing It to Find a Happy and Successful Relationship (as opposed to just sex, which is also great)

1. Never date anyone better looking than you are.
2. This goes double if you are a chick.
3. Character is revealed in the first 5 minutes of meeting someone, and does not change.
4. If someone tells you he’s crazy, he is.
5. If someone tells you he doesn’t think he ever wants to get married, he doesn’t.
6. If the sex is sporadic in the first six months, it will never be plentiful.
7. You cannot change how a person kisses.
8. Under no circumstances should you move in with a person before you’ve known them for at least one year.
9. Better to make it two.
10. And wait at least one more to get engaged.

Remember: you may need to switch up your shampoos until you find one that leaves your hair shiny and manageable. Once you do, I advocate cultivating brand loyalty.

xxx
c

Image by shutterbug, inc. via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

TOPICS: List-o-rama!.

1. Conveniently located to Los Angeles’ fashionable East side.
2. Get to watch Vegas-style timed musical fountain whilst walking to/from personal transpo device.
3. Better porn than Hustler store.
4. Retro-calming, Holly Golightly-esque, “Nothing bad could ever happen to you in a place like this” design vibe.
5. No rats.
6. Close proximity to wide variety of foods legal on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet.
7. New! Urban equivalent of Wal-Mart greeter at front door!
8. New! Validated parking with ANY purchase!
9. New! Apple staff can ring up (credit card) purchases via handy/scary device around neck.
10. New! Apple staff can print out receipt on spot or email it to your .mac account.

Which leaves only one question: what is keeping you PC boneheads from drinking the Kool-Aid and getting down with the program?

Silly PC users…

xxx
c

Image by Chet Yeary II via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

TOPICS: 21 day salutes, Apple, List-o-rama!, Los Angeles, Nerd Love™, The Grove.

10:15 am: Nerd gets e-newsletter from Vonage announcing deal for 20% off phone service for prepayment.

10:17 am: Nerd has phone service through 2/7/08 and $59 dollars in pocket.

10:20 am: Nerd mentally spends entire wad on six additional URLs for future blogs…

xxx
c

Image by Fatty Tuna via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

TOPICS: 21 day salutes, Nerd Love™.