Control what you can
Volume 3, Number 03 | March 2009
If you're anything like me--and I'm assuming you're at least somewhat like me, or you'd have no interest in
reading this newsletter--a lot of times,
it feels like no one but you can see your particular flavor of fabulosity.
People are busy, for one; who has the time? And times are, shall we say, a bit on the nutso-making side right now, which means people have even less
of the time and space and ease with which to welcome new input into their lives.
I get how this can be a worry-making thing: really, I do, because I find myself slipping into it more often than I used to in kinder, gentler times.
It
occurred to me recently, though, that even though I slip into the habit a lot these days, I manage to snap out of it pretty quickly--much more
quickly
than I used to, and even more quickly than I did when things weren't in such disarray.
At a seminar I gave to my beloved actors this past weekend, it finally struck me where my new-found, relative peace of mind comes from, the idea I've
been pushing wherever I can and the underlying concept behind all of the work I do and the things I share: spend your time on the things
under your
control, and do your best to let go of the rest.
What does "Control What You Can" mean in terms of expressing your unique fabulosity?
For me, the first part is seeing that my basic needs are being met, and doing what I can to make sure they'll be met for
the foreseeable future (assuming the world doesn't blow up, in which
case we're all in the same dreadful boat, so there's no point in
worrying at all). I'm spending, but more cautiously and thoughtfully, which is probably a good thing. Not that I was ever a spendthrift, but
additional thought and care are rarely misplaced.
The rest of it has been about me rejiggering my time and energy a bit to make sure I'm connecting with people and getting a little better at it each
time. I'll admit off the bat: these suggestions may feel counter-intuitive at first, or even dangerous. As with anything, move as slowly as you need
to make it
work for you.
1. Share more of yourself, not less
I've made my marketing a project, and I'm making more of what I do public, in the hopes that it will save someone else some time and effort, or maybe
just make them feel less alone, crazy or stupid. That was my motivation behind posting this incredibly unflattering photo of myself on not one, but TWO social media sites in response to
a snarky tweet I
wrote. I want
people to see that I'm for real, and I want people to know that imperfect is not only normal, it's advisable.
If you don't believe me, take yourself through the exercise my shrink did the last time I whined about my copious faults: imagine a perfect person,
who never did or said anything wrong, who never had a hair out of place or speck of dust on the furniture or a fillip of clutter on the kitchen
counter. It might be the person you want to have organize your closets, but is that the kind of person you'd want to spend a lot of quality time
hanging with? Yeah, me neither.
2. Ask more questions...of everyone!
Part of sharing is reaching out, and part of healthy growth is getting better at something. Why not combine the two and take your thorny problems to
the experts? I've reached out to people for help with everything from my questions about cold calling to the wardrobe challenges that middle age and
secretarial spread have wrought. (For the record, it's not Dorie's fault that I look so dreadful around the house, but totally her doing that I look
better outside of it; if you're in the Los Angeles area, more of a thrift-store-quirky shopper than a hoity-toity designer gal and in need of help,
I highly
recommend her!)
3. Spend more time making stuff of utility
For most of us communicators, that means more time spent writing, editing or otherwise honing the messages we're putting out in the world.
Depending on your pursuit of choice, that might mean starting a blog (or ramping yours up), taking a photo a day, joining a Toastmasters
club,
starting a play-reading/movie-watching/goal-setting group, recording a podcast, writing (or re-writing) a bio or song or essay or what-have-you, memorizing a monologue, creating a series
of
YouTube videos--basically, anything that will stretch your abilities and that other people will find somehow useful (and remember,
informative,
supportive and entertaining all fall under the rubric of "useful").
For example, so far this year, I've created the
Virgo
project, written two songs and put them up on YouTube
(caution: first one has LOTS of curse words), and increased my posting on communicatrix to five times weekly.
I'm not the only one, either: everywhere I look, I see people making stuff like crazy. Merlin Mann started a second blog of short, useful tips
called 43 Folders Clips. My casting director
friend,
Bonnie Gillespie, started shooting short videos with tips for actors and posting them on Facebook.
(You may have to be logged in to view them.) My friend, Pam Slim, started a new online marketing venture with a friend of hers, and my friends Havi and Naomi have
done the
same.
The only way any of us get better at uncovering what it is we're uniquely great at is through exploration, and
the only way we get better at expressing ourselves is through practice. Why not combine the two and really push yourself to some new heights of
personal fabulosity? It's cheaper than shopping and far more satisfying.
Make it and point me towards it. I want to see what you're doing to change your world, AND the world around
you...
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