Keeping your eyes on your own paper
Volume 2, Number 11 | November 2008
I had an anniversary recently: my fourth of being online as the communicatrix.
While it's an honor, as they say, just being nominated, I won't lie to you: it can be tough looking to your left
and right and seeing people who started with you hit marks you'd hoped to hit by now. For me, some of those marks are about subscriber numbers and
page hits; others are about money and freedom. There are a slew of folks who launched their blogs when I did, or even way after I did, who are doing
"better" than I am by both my own perceptions and some absolute benchmarks.
Here's the thing: you cannot force yourself to grow. Or rather, I can't. No one can. And there's a really good
reason for
that. As Beverly Sills said in one of my all-time favorite quotes, "There are no shortcuts to anyplace worth going."
I can't improve on that quote, but I can add to it in a way that may be helpful: the reason you can't rush
yourself along to anywhere is that the path you are walking has never been walked by anyone before. Which means (deep breath) even you don't know
where you're headed ultimately; you can't.
This doesn't mean you're directionless now, or that you shouldn't have a goal and a plan and implement the hell
out of it, making yourself smarter and better and all-around more awesome. It's just that you don't have the higher-up perspective you'll have on the
other side of your Thang when you're in the
middle of working on your Thang. (Or if you do, you're in an infinitesimally small slice of the population. Lucky
dog.)
So back to the issue at hand: how do you stay motivated and on track when you see people around you leapfrogging
ahead of you? How do you keep from letting bitterness take root and turning you into a closed-off, crabby, less-than version of yourself?
First, acknowledge where you are. Lost? Stuck? Jealous? Despondent? You can't move on to
anything else until you have 100% gotten down with where you are right now. There are a lot of good tools to help you Get in the Now, from yoga and
meditation
to journaling and morning pages to professional help in the form of coaching or psychotherapy. I have a weekly meeting with my own coach and a
monthly
"tune up" with my shrink, to keep me honest. (Paying money keeps me honest!)
You can also set up an accountability group or partner, but select these carefully: you want wise, gentle,
awake
support, not a chance to let your bitch flag fly.
Second, always be folding new stuff into your personal mix. Said "stuff" can be anything
from new skills to new experiences to new surroundings. Heading up to my month-long
sabbatical in Seattle was a huge leap of faith for me, but it
paid
off in dividends I couldn't have imagined when I decided to commit to it.
In addition, it's virtually impossible to focus on your crappy, crappy, poor-me situation when you're being
forced to burn new data into your personal RAM. You start out learning Spanish or mastering kung fu, and discover uncharted territories of self that
have nothing to do with Spanish, martial arts, or whatever you were stuck on. Trust me: it's one of the hardest things to remember when you actually
are in stasis, and one of the surest paths out of it.
Third, collect "re-direction" materials against a rainy day. When you're feeling positive is
the time to be bookmarking great websites you want to explore, books you want to read, movies you want to see, stuff you want to do. When you're
stuck
or depressed, all you tend to see is stuckness or depression around you. (This, I think, is the real meaning of the Law of Attraction everyone crows
on about. It ain't about wishing something into being; it's about being aware and turning your time and attention towards salubrious
things.)
David Allen's solution for this is the Someday/Maybe
list in his
GTD system. My friend, Gretchen Rubin, is always pointing people towards fantastic tricks, tips and ideas for keeping your sights on the bigger,
better part of yourself on her Happiness Project
blog. The stuff I download into the sidebars of these newsletters? Same thing. It's all about stuff that makes your life better and
expands
your personal horizons. And yeah, sometimes just makes you laugh. Never underestimate the power of a good laugh.
Finally, review your goals often...but not too often. Remember that part above about yours being a
never-before-trodden path? It bears repeating. Since you're the one charting it, it becomes imperative to take stock with the board of directors of
You, Inc. Yes, ask for help. From the accountability circle you've established (see Step 1). But you also need to get super-freaking-clear on your
own
voice, that one that tells you when you're on target and when you're...not. Otherwise, you run the risk of switching directions for external
reasons--"helpful" advice from outsiders isn't helpful if you don't know your own true north, your own voice.
It takes a while to know how much review is productive and how much is worry-making. But I'm a firm believer in
the power of good maps, i.e. annual goals, and of referring to them a few times before you make new ones for the next year. (Which is--yikes--right
around the corner!)
You're making progress. Better yet, you're making history.
Keep your eyes on your own paper, and in your own time and in your own way, you will change the world
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