Special holiday woo-woo edition!
Volume 2, Number 12 | December 2008
There is a saying that people are forever quoting as an ancient Chinese exhortation: "May you live in
interesting times."
While the provenance of the sentiment is somewhat unclear--as is whether it's intended as a blessing or curse--the genius of it as a
personal
orientation is undeniable. From what, after all, have you learned the most: the hard stuff or the easy stuff? Which has stimulated the most growth
for you:
weeks-full of fluffy bunnies and candies raining from heaven, or the stuff that shrink couch weepy fits are made of?
Don't get me wrong: I like fluffy bunnies and Jujyfruit thunderstorms as much as the next neurotic depressive;
it's just that whoop-dee-doo good times, like dessert, are more salubrious in small portions. The older I get--i.e., the better my perspective, as I
have greater and greater context in which to put things--the more I see that while the triumphs were glorious and the excruciating
trials...um...excruciating, they're both pretty fleeting. The prize is the everyday, walking-around feeling that I have the tools and strength and
love in my life to deal with whatever comes down the pike.
Or, to put it in a way my actor friends might grok, the blazing moments of pure bliss come more often while
walking the dog who adores you than during the second curtain call. Especially with the modern-day devaluation of the standing "O".
All this is very well and good in theory, but what can you do in practice to keep from clawing your own eyes out
over the surplus of interesting-ness being dumped at your doorstep?
Glad you asked!
Do an on-the-spot gratitude check
It's the oldest trick in the book, but that's because it works like a charm every time. In the middle of
whatever personal hell you're going through, immediately think up three things you're grateful for. Five to ten if you have a pen and paper handy.
Then take any one of those things and chew on it. Make up a little song to yourself. If it works for you,
imagine how it could be worse if you didn't have the thing you're grateful for, only really blow it out--make it ridiculous.
It's really a sneaky-pete way to snap yourself out of it and back into the moment, because if you're really and
truly in the moment, it's impossible to be fearful, angry or otherwise personally outraged. (Or so I'm told by my calmer, more centered,
farther-down-the-road friends.)
Do one nice thing
This is the outwardly active version of the above. Just take what you're in a pickle about, find the closest
universal thing to it, and do a cool thing for someone else that comes out of that thing.
If you're feeling low and small about your own abilities because you've just been stomped on by a client or you
blew an audition or you stuck both feet in it during a speech, reach out and tell someone else how great they are at something related to what you
just went through. Possibly someone you've never spoken with (helloooo, blog comments!) and preferably someone who's not expecting
it.
Again, this will get you out of yourself, but if your experience is anything like mine has been, your being
forthcoming will also bring some truth from the recipient that you might not have expected. We all go through it; everyone's got their
basket.
Imagine other scenarios
This one came from my marvelous witchy friend, O-Lan, who brought it up in the context of driving. Or rather,
driving around other people who are driving really badly in a mean, crazy or aggressive way.
Maybe the person who cut you off just got dumped from a 25-year relationship. Maybe the incredibly rude
commercial director just found out before your callback that his beloved grandmother had a terminal illness, his dog died and his company was closing
because of this lousy economy.
This is not a blanket excuse for you to excuse yourself. I'm assuming that since you're a bright, hard-working,
capable type (well, you're reading this, aren't you?) that you're doing your work, taking care of your business. That's cost of entry for those who
would realize their personal fabulosity.
Again, this gets you out of you, and gives you a wee taste of the perspective you might have with time and more
information. Speaking of which...
Travel back in time!
This is the worst thing that ever happened to you? You've never been this bad/incompetent/humiliated?
I'm guessing that if you're over the age of 12--and if you're not, you definitely shouldn't be reading
this--you've had not one but two or more other Dreadful Experiences. Go back at least two. Note that after that Dreadful Experience from Which You
Would Never Recover, there were, in fact, TWO more.
Take a deep breath, pour yourself a nice, cool glass of something, and reapply yourself to the task at hand. Or
switch to a different one and come back to it. Just let the real-time beatings stop. No one ever learned anything excellent by beating up on
themselves.
And finally...
Get help.
Last winter when I did my annual Best Year Yet
review, I decided my new paradigm for 2008 would be "Help is
Everywhere," and you know what? It kinda was.
I'd grown up with some probably well-intentioned but truly dreadful directive to DIY 24/7/365, as if getting an
assist meant I was somehow less-than.
My first experiences getting help came out of desperation. I turned to a shrink when I really thought I was
losing it, and I turned to my sister and friends when I got so sick with Crohn's, I really had lost it. I made some progress with asking for help
when
I brought Ilise and Peleg into my sphere,
but I
grew by an order of magnitude with the new paradigm.
So reach out and ask a friend. Or a neighbor. Or a colleague. Hire help, however modest. There is help
available at most price
points, if you're willing to get creative.
And--SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT! SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT! --if you happen to need help finding the focus
you need to tell the world your story, to turn your baby bean of an idea into a full-blown stalk, to uncover your unique fabulosity, the
communicatrix
has (un)officially, in a very soft-launch fashion, hung out her shingle.
Simple, fun, easy, joyful consulting to help you map out a plan of action. Because I'm all about the action.
(Slackers, look elsewhere.) And at very affordable, soft-launch, recession-friendly pricing, too! Check out the super-secret
hire-the-communicatrix
page on my site. Spread the word (judiciously, please!) if it's not for you but might be something for someone you know and
love.
Have a safe, healthy, joy-filled holiday full of awesomeness. See you next year!
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