spiderman walking to work

There are things
that you alone
must do
and that you must do
alone
regardless of how the rest
of the world
is humming along

Resting
in the middle of commotion
running
while the world is asleep
leaving
when life is comfortable
staying
when the fleeing looks good

You may be wistful
or anguished
going to bed
while the party rages

You may be odd man up late
tending to your baby ideas
on long, cold nights
before they hatch

But how much worse
will you feel
when the thing in your heart
lies buried
under a thousand perfectly good reasons
why you couldn’t help it now.

No time is right
No time is wrong
Each minute, each hour, each day
extends itself wordlessly
for you to do with it
what you will.

What
will you do?

What
will we do
if you don’t?

The life you write for yourself
is yours alone
but the lives you touch
are everywhere,
on into eternity.

xxx
c

Image by Eneas via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

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Posted in: The Personal Ones

cat looking back at itself in mirror
A mostly monthly but forever occasional round-up of what I’ve been up to and what I plan to be. For full credits and details, see this entry.

Colleen of the future (places I’ll be)

  • April L.A. Biznik Happy Hour at Jerry’s Famous (Wednesday, April 14; 5:30 – 8) The flagship Los Angeles Biznik event gets a new host this month: in addition to myself and my prolific co-hostess, Heather Parlato, Biznik-er Kelly Harrington is stepping up to shake hands, high-five and otherwise make the fine small business folk who gather for drinks and nosh and chat feel welcome. It’s free to join us (we ask that you buy a little something to support Jerry’s), but you’ll need to join Biznik here first (which—hooray!—is also free).
  • The Career Clinic radio talk show (Saturday, April 10; 10am PT; 12pm CT; 1pm ET) I’ll be talking decluttering as it relates to business, creativity and productivity in general with host Maureen Anderson on the April 10th edition of this Internet radio chat show (look! I can use British terminology!). You can join the discussion by calling toll-free (888-598-8464), or sending email to thecareerclinictalkshow AT gmail DOT com. Query away—I will answer ALL, even if I know the answer or not. Which should keep things interesting! (UPDATE: Maureen just followed up to say that while there is an Internet stream, the show is a regular, terrestrial radio broadcast, which means you can hear it over your actual, regular radio on Saturday: noon Central this Saturday on AM 1100 in Fargo (which streams at www.am1100.tv). AM 1410 in Portland will air that broadcast at 4p Pacific time Friday, April 16th (streaming at www.kbnp.com). AM 1230 in Spokane will air the show at 11a Pacific time on Saturday, April 17th (streaming at www.ksbn.net), and 92.5 FM in Rushville, IL will run it at 11p Central time Saturday, April 17th (streaming at www.wkxqfm.com). Sorry for the mix-up, and thank you for clarifying, Maureen!)
  • TEDxTacoma (all-day Saturday, April 24; Tacoma, WA) Unfortunately, my pal Chris Guillebeau had one of his many, many schedule conflicts and couldn’t make it to this PacNW flavor of the famous TED conference-offshoot series. Fortunately, he hooked me up with the fine people organizing this one-day gathering devoted to the discussion of “passion”—how to find it, what to do with it, and everything in-between. I’m beyond over the moon about this (which puts me in outer space or right back where I am, depending on your viewpoint), as well as the chance to get a little PacNW fix before the main event this fall. And the lineup—well, let’s just say I’m the worst house on a great block. Which is just how I like it!

Colleen of the Past (stuff I did you might not know about)

  • The Astoundingly Simple Secrets to Making Social Media Work for You Here’s a little secret for you: while I really enjoy in-person speaking events the most, I work extra hard on the virtual ones—especially the webinars. The emotional lossy-ness of the web means that to communicate successfully via these weird hybrids of teleconference, live events and PowerPoint shows, you have to plot things out twice as carefully and project three times the energy. No, you won’t get to ask questions at the end (which is why you should come see me in person!), but I cover a ton of ground, including surprise Q&A at the end. Big bang for your buck. The webinar is not available for purchase yet, but sign up for Freelancers Union now anyway, and check back.

Colleen of the Present (ongoing projects)

  • communicatrix | focuses My monthly newsletter devoted to the all-important subject of increasing your unique fabulosity. One article per month (with actionable tips! and minimal bullsh*t!) about becoming a better communicator, plus the best few of the many cool things I stumble across in my travels. Plus a tiny drawing by yours truly. Free! (archives & sign-up)
  • Act Smart! is my monthly column about marketing for actors for LA Casting, but I swear, you’ll find stuff in it that’s useful, too. Browse the archives, here.
  • Internet flotsam And of course, I snark it up on Twitter, chit-chat on Facebook, post the odd video or quote to Tumblr, and bookmark the good stuff I find on my travels at StumbleUpon and delicious. If you like this sort of stuff, follow me in those places—I only post a fraction of what I find to Twitter and Facebook.

xxx
c

Image by madnzany via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

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Posted in: The Quotidian Ones

Apr 6, 2010 Comments Off

Book review: Epilogue

cover of "Epilogue," plus photo of author Anne Roiphe

A part of me wondered why I was drawn to pick up Epilogue, Anne Roiphe’s memoir about the year-and-change (some pun intended) she experienced as a newly-widowed woman, when I spied it on the library shelf.

And, I confess, that part of me continued to wonder as the rest of me worked through the inevitably sorrow-filled stories of Roiphe’s earliest days post-loss: the mundane acts rendered surreal by the combination of shock, numbness and grief; the creeping realizations that however much of a life she had left, it was suddenly all she had left—the only certainty left to her. I am going through a phase of loss and loneliness and uncertainty in my own life, albeit one brought on myself; was I looking for clues on how to behave? Or of what lies ahead? Or of how to behave based on what lies ahead? Roiphe is 26 years older than I am; she is also almost exactly  one month older than my mother would have been. Am I just (foolishly) trying to assemble clues about my future by mining someone else’s past?

Slowly, page by page, anecdote by anecdote, the reason for reading—and for writing—is revealed: the stories are connection, and connection is everything. The stories are vehicles of truth, and truth, however painful, is the only way to bring light to life. Truth and love. Roiphe’s memoir is strung together by a hundred tiny stories of telling the truth rather than shrouding evil with silence, but it is also peppered with wonderful, hopeful story-lets describing the healing power of music, the crazy grace of a perfect, random moment, the perverse persistence of biological desire one alternately wishes for and away.

Funny, touching, shocking, enraging stories: a nightmarish story of attempted strangulation by lawsuit, which is strangely balanced by the nonsensical, stubborn insistence of her deceased husband’s ex-wife to receive the full month’s alimony for the partial last month of his life. A woeful story of a former friend who turns away; a string of new romances that mostly stop before they get a chance to start; a crushing story of a family rent by first the hiding, then the revelation of a family member’s secret.

Threaded through are the gems good and modest writers leave without fanfare for our surprise and delight—that “trying is not the way to loving”, or that psychoanalysts are the archenemies of the secret (lowercase, please—there is not an ounce of New-Age-rhymes-with-”sewage” in first-wave feminist Anne Roiphe). I am already dreaming up capes and costumes for Leslie and my first-shrink-slash-astrologer, both of whom are absolutely superheroes with attendant superpowers, IMHO.

Maybe you, like me, will have to apply yourself to the early-on pages of Epilogue with a bit of faith. This will come together; the glimmers I see here and there in these threads of stories will weave themselves into a whole that offers support, that helps carry me forth through this rough spot to the next bit of smooth going.

Roiphe herself is not much for faith. At first, she soldiers on for practical reasons, because not to do so would devastate those she would leave behind. She neither believes in a hereafter where she and her beloved “H.” will be reunited, nor is she at all certain that a renewed interest in (or availability of) earthy delights is around the corner. But her stories—and their messages, and their energy—finally carry her forward, too. And somehow, in the end (or at least, by the end of her story here), we feel it together: that the point of a life, to paraphrase Jonathan Swift, is to live all the days of it.

xxx
c

Book cover design by Christine Van Bree, © Harper Collins; photo of Anne Roiphe © Deborah Copaken Kogan

Yo! Disclosure! Links to the books in the post above are Amazon affiliate links. This means if you click on them and buy something, I receive an affiliate commission. Which I hope you do: it helps keep me in books to review. More on this disclosure stuff at publisher Michael Hyatt’s excellent blog, from whence I lifted (and smooshed around a little) this boilerplate text.

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Posted in: The Useful Ones

a flea market

My first shrink-slash-astrologer warned me early on that I’m a floaty type.

Which is to say, I enjoy wandering from thing to thing, but this can leave me very, very ungrounded. I think she even suggested carrying around a piece of hematite as a possible solution, and I dimly recall trying it for a bit: I found an old hunk lying around in one phase of The Great Purge of ’09, and dispatched it to Goodwill forthwith.

Anyway, I know that looking at things soothes me and I suspect that having one reason I tend to collect them is that having them around grounds me.

Looking through new-to-me stuff—almost any stuff, from garage sales to flea markets to high-end department stores—is weirdly relaxing and comforting. When I’m browsing the stacks or the back 40 at the Kane County Flea Market or the racks at Bloomie’s, a part of my brain that usually won’t shut up is finally able to, but I also feel deeply cared for. Whereas other wonderful-to-me activities that also shut off that part of my brain—walking on the beach or doing Nei Kung or hooping, for example—are more stimulating than soothing, and still other experiences, like looking at art, are generally stimulating without being soothing.

Since I like these things or like the way they make me feel, it’s really hard not to want to take some home with me. If I feel good in some object’s habitat, it follows that I will also feel good around it when it’s been removed to mine. And sometimes, I do. But often, I do not. This is where the clutter problem lives for many of us, I’m guessing—trying to replicate feelings. (The other part lies in wanting to hang onto them.)

When I am full-on monk, this problem will either go away or I’ll have mad ninja skillz for dealing with it. For now, though, I need to be around stuff sometimes, and I need to have some stuff all the time, in order for my life to work the way I want it to.

The trick, then, for me, is coming up with ways to comfort myself that do not involve the acquisition of stuff I don’t need—even cheap stuff. Because in addition to the cost of acquisition, there’s a cost to maintain the stuff and to get rid of it, even with second-hand stuff, if you’re going to do it responsibly.

The library is a terrific substitution for any browsing because the stuff you get there is the least “sticky”—there are penalties for not getting rid of it! But even renting “for free” from the library comes at a cost: how much time am I spending returning stuff, checking due dates on returning stuff, rounding up stuff to return, etc.? So these are the ways I’ve come up with to minimize library “waste”:

Book in advance. (No pun intended!) The Los Angeles Public Library has a searchable online database you can use to find an reserve books, which are then delivered at no cost to the branch of your choice. When I find a book I know I want to read that looks like it’s been out for a while, I jump on the site, plug in my member number (which I have saved as a keystroke shortcut in TextExpander), and have it sent to me.

Walk to the library. When you live in L.A., you spend most of your mobile time in a giant backpack called “a car.” The combination of picking up reserved books and walking to and from the library to do it has dramatically reduced the amount of books I haul, and is good exercise, head-clearing and better for the environment, as well. I’m really nervous because budget cutbacks have already reduced hours (and salaries, sadly) at my branch, which is older and smaller and likely to be an early candidate for closures. But I’ll cross that bridge when they blow it up. Or something.

Limit browsing time. I used to go earlier in the day (a luxury of the self- or unemployed!). Now I go towards the end of the day, an hour or less before closing time. Which is earlier and earlier with every budget cut.

Keep a dedicated holding area. I wish I could remember where I got this tip, because implementing it has dramatically reduced my late fees. I have one small shelf devoted to library books on loan; the only other place in my apartment they’re allowed to be is on my nightstand.

Manage due dates with a system. Before they moved to a fee model, I used LibraryElf to make sure I didn’t rack up ridiculous overdue rates. Now that I’m bringing in less and reading more, I burn through books quickly enough that it’s not an issue, but if you have problems getting stuff back on time, either a calendar reminder input into your own calendar as soon as you get home, or a LibraryElf subscription, might not be a bad idea.

That’s probably already about as anal as it gets when it comes to a library strategy (although I didn’t get into my Windex-ing the covers upon arrival at home—never know where that stuff has been). But if there are other things I’m missing or could benefit from, I’d love to hear them…

xxx
c

Image by IseFire via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

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Posted in: The Useful Ones

tiny toy cowboy figure with lasso

While I enjoy spreading the small-biz love via Referral Friday, I’ve been itching to create some other feature that both collects the fantabulous things I find stumbling around the web during the week here, rather than on third-party sites, and rustles up a little friendly P.R. for the deserving people who make them.

Of course, you can always track all the crazy stuff I bookmark, Stumble, Tumble, Facebook, star or tweet at any of those locations. Or all of ‘em in one horrifying deluge of a fell swoop at FriendFeed. But, you know, only so many hours in the day, right?

Note! I am, uh, noting the original notation at the end of each item for two reasons.

  • First, as a way of externalizing my thought process in bookmarking shared content. Why does one thing get posted to delicious while another gets retweeted on Twitter? Beats me! No, actually, I do have a semi-sorta strategy that I should probably outline at some point. But seeing things in action is (i.e. having examples to look at) is often more useful than plain, old telling.
  • Second, as a rather shameless and transparent attempt to get you to connect with me in one of these other places. Because empire-building is all the rage these days—at least, it is here

Finally, the only three links I don’t share anywhere else first are the ones that occasionally make it into the “little presents” column of my monthly newsletter. For those, you must subscribe! But as subscribing will make you thin, rich and happy beyond your wildest dreams, frankly, I’m baffled as to why you haven’t signed on already.

Okay, then. Excelsior!

There are many, many reasons to follow Nathan Bransford, the generous literary agent who shares all kinds of nifty insider info to make writers smarter (and hopefully, keep the eager riff-raff from further beleaguering an already battle-weary publishing industry). But this odd one-off on why idiot writers might not know they are made my week. [delicious-ed]

Do you think Apple’s iPad, debuting tomorrow, will revolutionize the publishing/computing/other industry? Or is it all just a bunch of hype and expensive nerdery? Either way, you must not miss my friend Alissa Walker’s brilliant “unboxing” post. Delicious! [but not delicioused—tweeted!]

I’ve been enjoying the blog of one of my new, met-at-SXSW friends, Rogue Amoeba founder Paul Kafasis, since I got back from Austin, but this post on postmarks made me laugh out loud. Which is kind of annoying, because last I checked you were not supposed to be successful, good-looking, smart, nice AND funny. Especially (decades) before you turn 40. Hmph. [Stumbled]

This was passed around Twitter like a doob at a Dead concert, but on the off chance you missed it, Frank Rich wrote a brilliant and insightful opinion piece for the New York Times on the real roots of Tea Party rage. [Facebooked]

Last, but almost foremost, I would be staggeringly remiss if I did not point you to the inspiration for Frrrrriday Rrrrroundup!, my online pal, the London-based writer Delia Lloyd. Her own brilliantly curated Friday Pix feature is a guaranteed curation of timesucking awesomeness week after week, damn her eyes. Here are all the back issues; before you wave “bye-bye” to your weekend, you might want to subscribe to her blog so you don’t miss another. [Not bookmarked this week, but HEY—she's the inspiration, fer cryin' out loud: she gets a slot!]

xxx
c

Image by via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

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Posted in: The Useful Ones