1. Conveniently located to Los Angeles’ fashionable East side.
2. Get to watch Vegas-style timed musical fountain whilst walking to/from personal transpo device.
3. Better porn than Hustler store.
4. Retro-calming, Holly Golightly-esque, “Nothing bad could ever happen to you in a place like this” design vibe.
5. No rats.
6. Close proximity to wide variety of foods legal on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet.
7. New! Urban equivalent of Wal-Mart greeter at front door!
8. New! Validated parking with ANY purchase!
9. New! Apple staff can ring up (credit card) purchases via handy/scary device around neck.
10. New! Apple staff can print out receipt on spot or email it to your .mac account.

Which leaves only one question: what is keeping you PC boneheads from drinking the Kool-Aid and getting down with the program?

Silly PC users…

xxx
c

Image by Chet Yeary II via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

TOPICS: 21 day salutes, Apple, List-o-rama!, Los Angeles, Nerd Love™, The Grove.

My Macs continue to conspire against me, one getting hinky as soon as I get the other one fixed. For months I’ve been hobbling along on my 12″ PowerBook, watching my useful time working in Photoshop slowly shrink as the program decides to lock up more and more, in much the same way that it did on my G5 before it went south in July.

Die on me once, shame on you; die on me twice, shame on you, you mercenary POS robber barons.

Sigh…

So this afternoon, after a new business meeting down in Orange County, I’m driving back up to one of the 67 Apple stores in the Los Angeles area to give them even more of my money. Why?

(a) Because #@*() Apple won’t let me install the Tiger OS that came with my $2800 PowerBook on my $3000 G5 and I need it to sync the computers and end this madness

(b) Because I killed the “a”, “q” & “1″ keys on my spare keyboard and I’m tired of swapping back & forth or finding work@arounds

(c) All of the above

—

For some reason, WordPress decided to gobble up 1/3 of this post between my pushing the “publish” button and it showing up on a browser near you. I don’t know why; clearly, I am more technologically handicapped than I even realize.

Anyway, as I said (I think) the first time I posted this, the events of the past several days have helped me understand why The BF says he must visualize half-clad young Japanese women before he can wrap his mind around other people’s stupid computer questions. I am just trying to take care of my own stupid computer problems and all I can think about is a stiff bourbon and a long, hot bath, followed by a swift whomp to the head with a 2×4 before falling into a deep, deep sleep until sometime next year…

xxx
c

Image above is a still frame from a Japanese TV show called Zuiikin’ English, in which half-clad young Japanese women aerobicize to common English phrases such as “I Was Robbed by Two Men” and “Spare Me My Life.” Via TV in Japan.

TOPICS: Apple, Rants.

Dear Apple:

I love you. Seriously. I loooooooove you. I have drunk the Kool-Aid, forsaken all others, suffered through the application of an elaborate tribal tattoo on that little spot just above my crack. If you were an actual person, not only would I never forget your birthday and always bring you chicken soup in times of illness, I would probably also upon occasion drive around your house when you weren’t there just to feel close to you.

So why you do me this way?

I know, I know—I used to run around on you with that bad, bad man. Not all the time, just for email and contacts. But I’m with you now. I abandoned my Palm for you. I started syncing to my eentsy-weentsy nano, even though I can barely make out those addresses in -4 font size. It wasn’t a bad workaround, all things considered.

Still, a girl needs to feel connected. She needs to talk. And what do you do when I feel this need to express myself, to feel safe and connected? You proffer…the Rockr. The Rockr!!! 20+ years of bold, innovative thinking and the best you can muster is a half-assed music player cobbled onto a phone so ugly, it offends my ToastROven.

Good god, you’re Apple! Apple, man! A design leader! A tech visionary! Creator of iTunes, the user-friendly UI and the hottest displays on the planet! And you’re letting that behemoth Blackberry and that buggy-ass Treo horn in on your action? Get real, dude! No, I’m not seeing either of them…yet. I’m just dicking around with a Razr for now. He’s not everything I want, but he can take care of my basic needs and, let’s face it, I’m not ashamed to pull him out of my purse.

Look, I don’t want to break up with you, but it’s clear right now that we need some time apart. Who knows? Maybe this’ll be kind of a wake-up call. Maybe once you see me juggling my Razr and nano and odd scraps of paper, trying to get by as best I can, you’ll step up to the plate and be the brand leader I’ve come to know and love.

In the meantime, take care of yourself. I know the whole content upsell thing is fresh and new, but it can be a trap, too. You have one major asset over all your competitors, Mr. Hotty-Mc-Hot, and it ain’t your price points.

Okay. I’m getting bitter now and I promised myself I wouldn’t. I’ll see you soon…white and silver and gleaming, vibrating with an iTunes ringtone, like a dream I dreamt but forgot.

Right?

Right?

xxx
c

Photo by Brian Eric Ford via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license

TAGS: Razr, Motorola+Razr, Apple, PDAs, cell+phones, Rockr, Motorola+Rockr

TOPICS: Apple, Rants.