Well, I just got back from five days in Las Vegas and boy howdy, it is just as FABULOUS as the sign said it would be!

Firstly, how great is it to be surrounded by so many people who are here to have FUN, such as smoking and playing video poker and drinking Miller Lite at seven A.M.!? There are lots and lots of exciting shows at the various casino-hotels and some of the best of them are right smack in the middle of the casino floor and FREE (although you do have to pay for the valuable limited edition coin).

And if you get bored (hahaha), you can get in your car and drive up and down Las Vegas Boulevard A.K.A. “the Strip” and see e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g because they make sure the traffic goes really, really, REALLY slowly. And is there ever a lot to see—both man-made and natural. For example, at night, there is lots of “neon” and “signage” and “neon signage”, but by the morning, everything in Las Vegas magically turns to the same color of beige! And stays that way until they turn the lights back on!

Speaking of magic, as it turns out, not only did we totally LUCK (hahaha) into staying at the hotel with not regular but XTREME magic, it also is home to the genuine FOLIES BERGERE “production” nightclub act, which they don’t even have at that hotel that looks like ancient France. We also had many luxurious amenities such as a choice between valet and “self”-parking (with most of the spaces thoughtfully located on a vast, sunny lot far enough away from the hotel to afford excellent views of other lots) AND an “espresso” bar where the baristas make “real”-type espresso AT THE PUSH OF A BUTTON!!! No tiresome grinding and pulling in LAS VEGAS, baby!!!

And that is not even counting THE FREMONT STREET EXPERIENCE, which is not just five blocks of casinos covered by a slotted dome with an hourly light show projected on it but a complete EXPERIENCE with FREE Mardi Gras beads, FREE music from the 60s, 70s and 80s and an entire host of gourmet foods available for purchase including fried Twinkies™, fried Oreos™ and yard-long daiquiris…in every flavor! No wonder it gets so many glowing and thoughtful reviews!

Well that’s just how much I really loved FABULOUS Las Vegas, Nevada! And on this, the eve of the anniversary of the date commemorating our country’s move to independence, I cannot think of a better way to celebrate those principles that made our country great than to spend the weekend in a 100% American paradise created from raw desert with nothing but lights, air-conditioning and franchised eatertainment: VEGAS, baby, VEGAS!!!

xxx
c

Images via The Las Vegas Review Journal

Hi, everyone! It’s Colleen, a.k.a. the communicatrix, from blogging.la! You know—a REAL metroblog from a REAL city!*

Well, I’m out here in sunny Las Vegas…finally. I mean, it took for-fucking-ever to get here. I don’t know how you guys do it, living so far away from a real city. That drive must get really old, huh?

Anyway, sunny doesn’t begin to describe it. “Hot as motherfucking Hades the night before the bake sale” comes a little bit closer. It’s a good thing you guys built all those casino places with the cold air. Only the air-conditioners must make a lot of noise because it’s very loud in all the lobbies, plus all of those lights are kind of distracting. And there are no windows. What’s up with that? I’m like, “is it eight AM or eight PM?”

Speaking of air-conditioned places did you know there are lots of hotels in Las Vegas? And that all of them have air-conditioning? Including one that looks just like ancient Egypt and one that looks just like ancient Rome and one that looks just like ancient Barbary. I like that one made out of Legos that looks like the Medieval Times (uh-oh—now I’m getting hungry!).

We’re not staying in that one, though. We’re kitty-corner from it, in a hotel named after the legs of a famous Hollywood actress (like me!) I love boning up on history! (Ha ha—I said “boning”!) It is very luxurious and glamorous, like the ancient Riviera must have been. (Note: I have not seen any French-speaking people here, unless you count those Canadians who cut in front of us at the sports book—hey, I thought our neighbors to the north were all friendly. Maybe they are all staying at that hotel that looks just like ancient France.)

So anyway I came out to Las Vegas to shoot some time-lapse photography with my boyfriend, a.k.a. The Boyfriend. Well, that’s the made-up reason, anyway. The real reason is we really like to go out for breakfast in Los Angeles (where we’re from) and you guys have this place that makes these amazing fucking omelets. I mean, if I lived here, I’d just get an apartment across from the strip mall that houses that restaurant so I could eat those amazing fucking omelets every day without even having to get in my car because there ought to be some pluses to living in this shithole, right?

Here’s how you get there from “the Strip” (that’s a nickname for this big street called “Las Vegas Boulevard” which runs through the middle of town):

Okay, that’s about it. I’d write more about your “city” but there’s really not much to write about, is there? I mean blah blah POKER blah blah STRIPPERS blah blah HOT AS MOTHERFUCKING HADES. You guys should really check out L.A. and stuff. It’s much cooler there plus we know how to blog.

xxx
c

*b.la (that’s “blogging.la“, only we say “b.la” because we are really cool, not geeky like other people who spend a lot of time on the internet)