I can tell things are going awry
when I want new things

better faster prettier sexier cleaner newer older things
that will make the problem
(whatever the problem)
go away

they don’t, of course
(as if you didn’t know)

all the new things do
is make it harder
to find what you were looking for
under the other things—

the original things

the pain-in-the-ass
busted-up
broke-down
not-working
FUBAR horsepokey assmonkey facacta things

because the thing is
you do not learn from a thing
you thoughtlessly discard
or haphazardly shove aside
or even lazily disregard

you learn from the things
you measure carefully
you turn around in your head
and your hand
feeling their heft and weight and oily accumulation of dirt
before deciding
whether to keep or scrap or somehow alter

the learning
comes from the considering

so when you hit a wall
and you NEED NEED NEED a new thing
to get you out of an old corner

hunker down
and love up what you got

and you’ll get it all back
in spades, my friend—
in spades…

xxx
c

Image by thejane via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

TOPICS: change, fear, happiness, Poetry Thursday, truth.

People say
they don’t understand
how drunks keep drinking
how addicts keep shooting
how smokers keep smoking
how (your favorite group of degenerate wastrels here)
keep doing (something you don’t give a crap about, here)

I say:
heroin
poker
Thursday nite Comedy Lineup
YouTube–

Same difference

It’s all just a buffer
between you and your feelings
between you and your work
between you and what’s really going on

Anything done too much
too many times in a row
takes on a life of its own
takes you on a trip
away from the Truth

You see
I’ve never shot up
but I’ve
watched a full season of Dragnet
smoked an entire pack of Marlboro reds
drunk an entire bottle of wine
in one sitting

Same fucking thing, my friend…
same fucking thing

Comfort comes in many shapes
and sizes
and delivery systems

True access
takes work
and questioning
and prodigious quantities
of terrifying solitude
of deafening silence

And too much of anything
is no good at all—
including surfing,
including fucking,
including poetry,
including goodness

Especially goodness…

xxx
c

Image by bob degraaf via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license

TOPICS: Poetry Thursday.

I’m here but I’m not:
Bloomington, Indiana
Or that sidebar, there?

xxx
c

Photo by roger taylor 85 via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license

TOPICS: Poetry Thursday.

We share the same initials.

We share the same nose
and bad vision
and bandy legs
and double-jointed thumb
and inexplicable love
of Judge Judy

We even share the same
48-hour
birthday window
which for years
was a source
of tele-hilarity

“Happy birthday!” he’d say
beating me to it
by 24 hours
every time

We shared the planet
for 42 years
after which
he took off without me

(We share the same disease, too, you see,
only he got his first)

When he left
things were hard
for a long time

A long, long time

For the usual reasons
mostly
but also because
while he always worked hard
he did not
as it turns out
work clean

But three years
is a long time

A long, long time

And I have done my work
and I have made my peace
and now I get
that sometimes the best gift
you can give yourself
is to forgive
someone else

So as I turn 45
I have two things
to say:

I am Tony Wainwright’s daughter
and “Happy Birthday”

First…

xxx
c

Photo: Me & Tony, circa 1968. Me & Ann, last year.

TOPICS: life, Poetry Thursday.

That stack of papers.

You know—that stack.

The one you’ve been stumbling over
on the way to the bed
for four months,
since you dropped them there…

The one that went from white
to dusty gray
to black with hair—
both yours
and the dust bunnies’…

The one
you put down
for just
one
second…

Today
I moved that stack of papers
to a permanent home
in a covered, plastic bin
in its own semi-private sector
of the closet.

Of course
by “permanent”
I mean
“until next time”

If there’s one thing I’ve learned
since I started this thing,
it’s that nothing
lasts forever

Especially dusting…
xxx
c

Photo by Douglas - westbound via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license

TOPICS: 21 day salutes, Cleaning My Damned Apartment™, Poetry Thursday.