When you calibrate your afternoon not by the subtle changes in the play of light through your office window but by the shifting of the shrill Judge Judy into the ‘shucks, ma’am’ sucker punch or Dr. Phil… When you feel your ire rise as basket-base-football cuts into The Simpsons and back-to-back repeats of King of [...]
Rants
Dear Apple: I love you. Seriously. I loooooooove you. I have drunk the Kool-Aid, forsaken all others, suffered through the application of an elaborate tribal tattoo on that little spot just above my crack. If you were an actual person, not only would I never forget your birthday and always bring you chicken soup in [...]
Dear Microsoft: Go fuck yourself. Seriously: go take a long walk off a short pier. Better yet, how about taking a running leap off a rocky cliff into a huge, gaping void and on the way down, shoving whatever loose, dangling appendage happens to be handy up your greedy, corporate ass? Because really, you should [...]
Remember back when you were a kid (those of you born pre-1968), before the era of grocery stores accepting every kind of plastic and bagging things in anything but? (I said "but".) Remember how everyone, everyone, who wasn’t paying cash had to get their checks cleared at the service counter beforehand? How they had to [...]
“It seems as though we’ve marketed ourselves into a corner, where the only way to grow is to find increasingly narrow niches of decreasing utility. The consumer portion of our economy is now dependent on a four-week long debt-fueled race to buy the useless.” , Seth Godin, reporting on next year’s garage sale trinket
I am just waiting for the day I get a casting breakdown specifying, “Unnatural, awkward talent only. Must be over-the-top with no ability at all to respond in the moment. Or dead. Dead would be good. Dead, with really, really bad comic timing.â€
“Funny always wins out. I always think that women who complain about people who say women aren’t funny are probably not funny. Because, really, who gives a shit?” , Sarah Silverman in an interview with Jenelle Riley in Back Stage, the actor’s newsweekly TAGS: Sarah+Silverman, comedy, comedians, standup, female+standup+comics, excuses
For someone who is awfully sanguine about big things, totaling my car, losing vast sums of Monopolyâ„¢ money in the tech stock crash, watching the business I’ve made my living at for 22 years crumble before my eyes, I’m remarkably unskilled at dealing with the little things. ‘Little’ as in my downstairs neighbor, sole proprieter [...]
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What not to tell an actress
I’ve taken 2 hours out of my very busy day surfing the interweb to audition for you. I’ve driven 10 miles in the rain at $2.75/gallon with a cityful of rude assholes in luxury assault vehicles to get there. I’ve suffered the indignity of holding up a magic-markered sign with my name on it as [...]
The farther away I get from my (failed) marriage, the more clearly I’m able to see it. My own particular marriage, yes, but also my relationship (no pun intended) to the institution itself, which usually fell somewhere on the spectrum between “cautiously optimistic” and “no fucking way.” I can’t say I’m agin’ it entirely, because [...]
