Note: if you’re a “Crohnie” or UC patient or parent of an autistic kid who came for the recipe, feel free to skip ahead to the recipe. (Although I’m guessing most kids won’t be too into lox.)

Likewise, if you’re a self-involved tool equally disinterested in understanding the suffering of others and broadening your body of knowledge, feel free to skip ahead. Although be warned: just because you don’t have IBD now doesn’t mean you or someone you love won’t someday, especially if you keep on eating your crapass, Corporo-Fascist-approved Standard American Die-Yet? Incidence of IBD on the rise in Westernized countries.

No, really—go ahead: blow off the back story. We’ll be here via the Google when your insides have turned into raw hamburger. Hopefully, it won’t be too late! Toodles!

Okay.

For the rest of you…

THE BACK STORY

Readers come here from all kinds of search strings, but one that comes up a lot is “Specific Carbohydrate Diet” + (”you name it”).

Most likely this is because the Specific Carbohydrate Diet is notoriously difficult to follow. The list of legals and illegals only makes sense up to a point: Why navy beans and not kidney beans? Why provolone and not mozzarella? Why honey and not maple syrup?

I noticed. And while we’re at it, what the hell’s up with you hippies and your homemade yogurt?

Bottom line is this: the SCD is predicated on the thesis that undigested matter lingering too long in the gut provides a 24-hour feeding station for irritating intestinal bacteria. The more bacteria, the more mucous (yum!), the less the gut is capable of doing its (you’ll pardon the pun) duty; also, the more irritation, the more abrasion—again, leading to a reduction in functional capacity. Not to mention the garden of attendant earthly delights like diarrhea (regular, explosive and bloody varieties), extreme fever and underweight, energy loss, body aches, pain and…wait for it…puppy-killing farts.

Or, in the words of the wise and eloquent Seth Barrows,

The SCD combats bacterial and yeast overgrowth by restricting the energy they require to live while keeping the host well fed.

But no one really knows why it works—just that, in many cases, it does work.

Unfortunately, in many cases it doesn’t, but no one knows why on that count, either—it could be user error, as the SCD is notoriously difficult to follow. Even when you start to get what you can and can’t eat; even when you’re well enough to eat the full range of allowable foods (in the beginning, when you’re really sick, many “legals” are verboten), there’s hella prep involved in eating legal.

So there’s no getting around it: following the SCD is a pain in the ass.

For those of us who’ve found relief, however, not following it is an even bigger pain in the ass. I fell off the wagon shortly after meeting The BF (not his fault! not his fault!), and have been on and off in the three years since. (I was in Fanatical Adherence mode for the two years prior.) I started to get another scare just before Thanksgiving, and had an epiphany much like I did when I felt the bronchitis coming on for a third time and quit smoking on the spot, in mid-pack: 20 years, and I’m still smoke-free.

Of course, it is MUCH harder to stay on a diet than to quit a substance entirely, because hey, you gotta eat. And not only is it difficult to steer clear of the temptation all dieters are faced with, there are literally hidden evils in everything. Every. Thing.

So we eat mainly non-processed food. Nothing canned, bottled, boxed or to-go. No convenience foods. Which makes life…inconvenient.

There’s another downside to this: food gets scary-boring. I mean DEADLY boring. Because it’s so much work finding and making food, one’s intake on the SCD gets numbingly repetitive. Honestly, if I could have any luxury—when I can have any luxury—the first one I want it a private chef to come in three times per week and cook me stuff. (And for my chef friends out there, now you know that the thing I love most is being asked over for a tasty, SCD-legal dinner!)

One trick I’ve learned to apply from the other part of my nerdy life is batch-processing. Make a tub of yogurt and then figure out the 17 different ways you can use it. Find a recipe that freezes well in portions and make a shitload of it. Four dozen cookies, six loaves of “bread” (which you then turn half of into toasts).

So the following recipe is what you do with some of the homemade goat’s milk yogurt it takes you 26 hours to make. It’s fecking hawesome, as Shane Nickerson speaking in a bad British accent might say, and it made my night.

Also, for you normies, you can have it on real bread toasts, if you like. But the cuke makes it lighter and less caloric, in case you care about stuff like that.

THE RECIPE

Serves 1 hungry-ass SCD-er as a meal, or several dainty types as hors d’oeuvres

• 1 cucumber, sliced into 1/4″ rounds
• 1 cup DRIPPED SCD-legal goat’s milk yogurt*
• 1/2 cup chopped scallion
• a few tablespoons capers
• 4 oz SCD-legal smoked salmon**

1. Spread rounds with dripped goat “cheese”.
2. Press sprinkling of scallions on each round.
3. Press a few capers (to taste) on each round.
4. Layer with generous swath of salmon.
5. Eat your damn face off!

*Can substitute SCD-legal cow’s milk yogurt, although not as tasty
**Check package, even if brand you used last time was legal; I think suppliers change for brands, and many add sugar

This is very tasty with a Virgin or Bloody Mary. Vodka, fortunately, is 100% legal on the SCD.

Um…in moderation, of course.

xxx
c

Image by chocolate monster mel via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license. And no, that recipe is totally illegal. Looks good, though!

Other SCD-legal recipes on communicatrix-dot-com:

• SCD-legal artichoke dip
• SCD-legal Salade Nicoise (aka tuna!)
• SCD-legal Strawberry-Chicken-Walnet Salad
• SCD-legal Chopped Liver

TOPICS: recipes, SCD/Crohn's disease.

I had my gals over last night. They are an extraordinary bunch and deserve only the finest: delicious food, wine that costs more than $5/bottle and a clean, clutter-free environment in which to enjoy both.

Since we’ve finally been gifted with The End of the Horriblest Summer on Record, I thought I’d bust out the Chief Atheist’s family gravy recipe—a.k.a. pork-and-tomato-flavored crack, with meatballs—and kick off the season properly.

I am pleased to report that I have worked out the last kinks in making the recipe 100% SCD-compliant. I have not, however, received official permission to release the recipe to the general, salivating public, so you’re all going to have to feed your own red lead jones via the Soprano family recipe I linked to in a previous gravy-related post.*

But since I am not a complete heartless bitch, I will provide you with another amazing recipe I adapted from the back of a Trader Joe’s product:

Tasty Artichoke Dip

Ingredients:

2 cloves of garlic, peeled
1 can artichoke hearts packed in water, drained
1 fistful fresh Italian (flat-leaf) parsley, washed & dried, stems removed
buncha (1/4 c? 1/2c?) extra-virgin olive oil
salt & pepper to taste

Pulverize garlic in food processor. Add artichoke hearts and parsley. Process, drizzling olive oil as you go until you see a nice, pulverized mix (1/4 - 1/2 cup or more, depending on how decadent you want to be). Add salt & pepper to taste.

Eat with carrots if you are an SCD-er, or delicious bread if you are blessed with a normal digestive tract.

Bonus benefit: not only is it SCD-compliant, it is also IC-safe as well! And it actually tastes good, I swear!

Well, okay, not as good as the gravy, but come on: what doesn’t taste better with pork?

xxx
c

*UPDATE: Gravy boy pulled his link. Until I can post the real deal, this is the most authentic recipe I can find.

Most excellent photo courtesy of Patrick Q via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license

TOPICS: gluten-free, recipes, SCD, SCD/Crohn's disease, Specific Carbohydrate Diet.

Iced tea has always my summer drink of choice.

And since I’ve been on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet, plain, brewed iced tea sans sugar is the order of the season.

And it gets a little…well, old after awhile. You can mix it up with plain, brewed peppermint tea (the other allowable tea on SCD), but sometimes, you want a little caffeine with your flava.

So how stoked was I when I went to my friend Richard’s house and he poured me a long, tall glass of delicious with NO sugar and TONS of flavor:

Iced Green & Grey Tea Chez Waterhouse

Bring a kettle (or 1 quart) of water to a boil.

Pour over 3 bags green tea and 2 bags Earl Grey* tea in a Pyrex or other heat-proof pitcher.

Let steep until cool. Discard bags (squeeze ‘em first). Pour tea in 2 quart pitcher and fill with cool water.

Enjoy!

xxx
c

*Earl Grey tea is not strictly SCD-legal. I make sure to use a brand that contains actual oil of bergamot, not “flavor”, which is the catchall through which illegals often slip through. SCD followers should not drink this unless they substitute black or peppermint teas for the Earl Grey.

TOPICS: 21 day salutes, Cheering the Hell Up™, Daily Cosmic Shoutout, recipes, SCD/Crohn's disease.

I play the sympathy card when it comes to me and the SCD, but make no mistake: the Specific Carbohydrate Diet* is ten billion-gazillion times (a) easier to follow; (b) lenient; and (c) tasty than 99.99% of the cockamamie diets out there. And it’s healthy! And it doesn’t make your breath smell like the three-day-old vomit of a furry mammal that crawled in your mouth and died somewheres around your midsection!

As the late, great Elaine Gottschall, standard-bearer and patron saint of the SCD, used to say when someone on the listserv would grouse about all the things we couldn’t eat, “Stop complaining and think of all the wonderful foods we can enjoy!” And Elaine didn’t even have to be on the SCD; she put herself on it in solidarity with her ulcerative colitis-afflicted daughter (who fully recovered from UC after two years on strict SCD).

One of the great things I can and do still enjoy on SCD that normal people like, too, is salad. True, the days of throwing a little brown rice (starch is a no-no) or feta (ditto, fresh cheeses) or tofu/beans (see “brown rice”) are over, but there are puh-lenty of coolio things to throw in a bowl and call “lunch”—especially in Southern California, especially in spring and summer.

The above pictured salad is my own variation on one I sampled at a terrific eatery in Ojai (whose name, alas, escapes me) a couple of years ago. It’s primary components are chicken, strawberries and leafy greens, but it also serves as a great template for how to put together an “interesting” (i.e., non-iceberg, non-mixed-greens-with-a-cherry-tomato) salad in general.

The Communicatrix’s SCD-Legal, Idiot-Proof Strawberry-Chicken-Walnut Salad

SALAD:
3 skinless chicken breasts
1 cup walnut pieces
1 pint strawberries
4-5 green onions
3 stalks celery
1 outrageously overpriced package fresh tarragon (or good handful from the garden)
1 package mixed baby greens (or lettuce of your choosing, or no damned lettuce)

DRESSING:

5 tablespoons walnut oil
3 tablespoons champagne or white wine vinegar

MAKE THE SALAD: Poach chicken breasts (simmer in water to cover with an optional bay leaf) until cooked, 5-10 minutes. Let cool. Chop into bite-sized, salad-y pieces.

Meanwhile, toast the walnuts in a 350ºF oven until golden-toasty brown—about 8 minutes, but keep an eye on them. They burn quickly! Let cool.

While this other stuff is going on, wash all your produce and dry it if you haven’t. Then…

Slice off strawberry tops and discard; slice remaining strawberry into 1/4″ (or nice, salad-y sized) pieces.

Slice off ratty part of scallion and celery tops and the roots; slice remaining bits into 1/4″ (or…you get the idea) pieces.

Chop up that tarragon, sistah!

Arrange lettuce in large, shallow bowl. Strew chicken pieces, walnut pieces, strawberry slices, scallions, celery and tarragon on top.

Purists can whisk the walnut oil and vinegar together first; I just sprinkle the oil and then the vinegar right on top of the salad because I am LAZY and have a TINY KITCHEN with no room for DIRTY DISHES.

***

More importantly, this recipe serves as a kind of template for an easy, protein-based salad. The general idea is to have:

1. a protein for substance (cooked, cut-up chicken or beef or pork; grilled, meaty fish like tuna or swordfish; shellfish like cooked shrimp or scallops or crab)

2. a fruit, fresh or dried, that goes with it, for sweetness (think lighter with chicken—strawberries, grapes, pears; heartier fruits like apples, oranges and grapefruit work with beef)

3. a toasted nut for variety and omega-3 (walnuts, pecans, almonds, pignolias, etc)

4. greens to fill things out and keep things moving down the chute

5. an onion, for snap (scallions, thinly-sliced sweet onion or red onion or maybe shallots, lightly sauteed or not)

6. veggie “filler” to get your 5-7/day (cukes, celery, radishes; tomatoes; carrots, although you’d probably want curls, like you’d make with a vegetable peeler, so they don’t overwhelm; roasted, sliced beets, if you dig ‘em, although they can be overpowering and/or central to a salad, so you might want to adjust other ingredients; etc.) NOTE: sometimes the fruit and the veggie filler together can be like wearing all your jewelry at once—not so tasteful. Try to imagine the flavors of your favorite salads before you throw in everything willy-nilly.

7. a dressing (hearty for beef/pork—wine vinegar & olive oil & dijo, or an SCD-legal yogurt-based blue-cheese dressing; lighter for the others—some light vinegar like cider or white wine and olive oil always works)

8. complementary—preferably fresh—herb (tarragon, basil, rosemary, cilantro, etc; pronounce the “h” if you are a Brit, don’t if you’re a Yank)

OPTIONAL:

9. a tasty cheese for fatty goodness! (any SCD-legal, cuisine-appropriate thang—thinly-sliced cheddar, swiss, parmesan, asiago, manchego, etc.; non-SCDers can also opt for feta with a Greek-type salad or bufalo mozzarella with an Italian chix/tomato/basil salad)

I like to mix up all the stuff except the greens in quantity, then add greens and nibble off of it for a day or two. The flavors get more concentrated the second day, but the dressing will wilt the greens.

Enjoy it with your favorite beverage and just TRY being crabby. I dare you…

xxx
c

TAGS: recipes, salads, strawberries, chicken, walnuts

TOPICS: 21 day salutes, Cheering the Hell Up™, recipes, SCD/Crohn's disease.

It occurs to me that while I’ve been bitching and moaning about what I can’t eat on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet, I’ve done precious little talking about what I can eat in my sugar-free, starch-free world.

Since I’ve been craving one of my old delivery staples, beef with broccoli, for some time, I finally decided to see if I could approximate it at home in SCD-friendly fashion.

The primary no-no in all commercially-prepared Chinese food is hidden starch. Obviously, the sticky rice is verboten, but the sauces themselves are generally laden with cornstarch, soy sauce (which ontains wheat and soy), shortcut liquid extenders (i.e., which contains commercially prepared broth with starches) and sugar. SCD cooking is stripped of all these, so our sauces tend to be thinner (unless you cook them down within a drop of their lives) and less “coat-y”. But we are allowed honey and, after we’ve been on the diet a bit, tamari in judicial doses, so a quick scan of the following recipe I found via cooks.com looked like it was adaptable:

STIR-FRIED BEEF AND BROCCOLI

BEEF: 2 tsp. soy sauce 1/4 tsp. sugar 1/4 tsp. salt 3/4 lb. boneless sirloin, cut across the grain into 1/4 inch thick slices SAUCE: 1 tbsp. cornstarch 1 tbsp. soy sauce 1 tbsp. med. dry sherry or scotch 1/4 c. chicken or beef broth or water 1 tsp. sugar 2 tsp. Oriental sesame oil STIR-FRY: 3 tbsp. vegetable oil 1 tbsp. minced peeled fresh ginger root 1 tbsp. minced garlic 1 (4 inch) fresh red chili, seeded and minced (wear rubber gloves) 1/2 tsp. dried hot red pepper flakes 1 lb. broccoli, cut into flowerets and stems peeled and cut into 1/2 inch thick sticks Cooked rice as an accompaniment Prepare the beef: In a small bowl, stir together the soy sauce, sugar, salt, add the beef and let it marinate for 20 minutes. Make the sauce while the beef is marinating. In a small bowl, dissolve the cornstarch in the soy sauce and stir in the sherry. Add broth or water, sugar and Oriental sesame oil.Put 3 tablespoons oil in stir fry pan or wok, add ginger root, garlic, fresh red chili, and broccoli. Finally add beef and cook until meat is ready. Serve with rice.

So here’s what I did to make it legal:

STIR-FRIED BEEF AND BROCCOLI

BEEF: 2 tsp. soy sauce 1 tsp. tamari 1/4 tsp. sugar 1/2 tsp. honey (more than I need, but makes it thicker) 1/4 tsp. salt 3/4 lb. boneless sirloin, cut across the grain into 1/4 inch thick slices SAUCE: 1 tbsp. cornstarch 1 tbsp. soy sauce 1 tbsp. tamari 1 tbsp. med. dry sherry or scotch 1/4 c. chicken or beef broth or water 1 tsp. sugar 1/2 tsp. honey 2 tsp. Oriental sesame oil STIR-FRY: 3 tbsp. vegetable oil 1 tbsp. minced peeled fresh ginger root 1 tbsp. minced garlic 1 (4 inch) fresh red chili, seeded and minced (wear rubber gloves) 1/2 tsp. dried hot red pepper flakes 1 lb. broccoli, cut into flowerets and stems peeled and cut into 1/2 inch thick sticks Cooked rice as an accompaniment Prepare the beef: In a small bowl, stir together with fork the soy sauce, sugar whisk the tamari, honey, salt with fork, add the beef and let it marinate for 20 minutes. Make the sauce while the beef is marinating. In a small bowl, dissolve the cornstarch in the soy sauce and stir in the put the sherry scotch. Add broth or water, sugar and Oriental sesame oil. Put 3 tablespoons oil in stir fry pan or wok, add ginger root, garlic, fresh red chili, and broccoli. Finally add beef and cook until meat is ready. Serve with rice.

With these few simple adjustments, the dish is completely SCD-legal and, I might add, delicious! The BF, who can eat whatever the hell he likes, damn his eyes, chowed down an enormo-portion. Some people might say he did it to please me or with ulterior motives, but since (a) we had already had sex earlier that afternoon and (b) he got up and left the table when he was done to go lie down and take himself a nap while I was still eating, thankyouverymuch, I don’t think that’s the case. QED.

Anyway, just a little something to show you that SCD can be lovely and delicious just like regular-people food.

And in many cases, a helluva lot better for you.

xxx
c

Photo by Ben McLeod via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license

TAGS: recipes, Specific Carbohydrate Diet, beef with broccoli, stirfry, Chinese food

TOPICS: recipes, SCD/Crohn's disease.