Most times, I don’t really want to do x, where “x” = shower, work, walk, f*ck, sleep, cook and yes, write. Really. Relentlessly optimistic, workaholic, always-on me: most of the time, I’d just rather. . .not. Because. . . ? Because I don’t like feeling like I’m obligated. I don’t like feeling like anyone is [...]
Stop! Sucking!
One of the central truths of acting is that if you are on yourself, you will suck. This does not mean you shouldn’t know your lines and your blocking and your “motivation” (urg); in fact, you must must must take care of your bidness before you can be available to your partner in the scene. [...]
My heart feels tender today. I think it feels tender because I am stretching it so much. I’m trying not to stretch too hard, not to pull anything or throw anything out or scare myself into retreating too far, but stretch, I must, and with stretching inevitably comes repercussions. Change is hard. Change sucks, as [...]
Last night, when we left our heroine, she was bailing on certain responsibilities to indulge in a little face time with Arnie and his owner. Tonight, our heroine is bailing on plans to head eastward to visit same because. . . well, because a client/friend needed to sort something out tonight. Things happen. Plans shift. [...]
It’s 7:55 as I write this. I got some work done today; not enough. (Never, or rarely, enough.) Anxiety kept stalking me like the then-state-of-the-art creeping VFX death that passed over the Jews in The Ten Commandments. I guess I have the lamb’s blood on my door; things got chilly and a little dark, but [...]
I had a nice kind of cheering, Stop-This-Stupid-Crap win today. I was gearing up for a “duty connection”: extending myself to someone whom I really didn’t want to meet, much less extend myself to. Not necessarily a bad person, but almost certainly, from the context in which she presented herself, Not My Tribe. And lo, [...]
While I was born into relative privilege, my family’s situation was not so plush that not working was ever an option. Even if it had been financially, it would not have been an option practically. I was raised to be…well, if not a steamroller, at the very least an ox. (Hey! It’s my Chinese zodiac [...]
If you would like to turn over your suck-stoppingness to the universe, just wait for the mercury to rise. Because if you are anything like me, living in the E-Z-Bake Oven, with a wildly inefficient personal cooling system, to boot, the heat will put the brakes on for you. I’d been slowing down all day. [...]
Before I go forward, let me take the briefest (I hope) of steps backwards. A few days ago, when my feelings of self-suckery had reached their apex (or nadir, depending on how you look at it), I stumbled on a shaft of enlightenment from my friend, Gretchen Rubin, regarding change and what’s necessary to effect [...]
There was much stopping today, which means, of course, that there was much starting, restarting, backsliding and general waking slumber. I’m guessing that much of my slumbering wakefulness–or wakeful slumberingness–is due to the soporific qualities my day-to-day, hour-to-hour life has taken on over the past two to three years. The life of an actor is [...]
