When normal people have to do something, they do it.

When type-A people have to do something, they do it…and blog about it.

Introducing My TV-Free Year, a long, long, long overdue effort.

Officially launching on October 23. Countdown already in progress…

xxx
c

“Gaping Maw of Farrah” mashup = farrah_logan (by ambientfusion) + Gaping Maw of Disney (by libraryman), all via Flickr and all released under a Creative Commons by-nc-sa 2.0 license.

TOPICS: projects, Shameless plugs, Television, TV.

The Nightline piece aired last night.

As usual, more TV-hooey, the trumped-up gist of which was that brides today want to be photographed like hoors on their wedding day—probably because, as one photog (not mine) put it, “It’s the best they’ll ever look in their lives.”

Me? I feel the same way about posing in the altogether as I do in a branded piece of clothing: you wanna shoot me like a whore, I wanna get paid like one, brother.

Regardless of how stupid the segment was, it was a nice reminder of what great pictures he took.

Too bad the marriage didn’t…

xxx
c

Photo in background of me in the hotel bathroom on my wedding day, applying mascara (probably bought specially for the occasion because I didn’t own any) by brilliant wedding photographer Steven E. Gross.

TOPICS: communicatrix, publicity, Shameless plugs, Television, TV.

When you calibrate your afternoon
not by the subtle changes
in the play of light
through your office window
but by the shifting
of the shrill Judge Judy
into the ’shucks, ma’am’ sucker punch
or Dr. Phil…

When you feel your ire rise
as basket-base-football
cuts into The Simpsons
and back-to-back repeats
of King of the Hill…

When your evenings are filled
with the wall-to-wall hum
of America’s Next Top Apprentice to the Surviving Bachelor

When you have seen every episode of every Law & Order
in all three franchises
at least twice

When you can spot the new edits
to accommodate additional commercials
in Columbo
and the Quinn-Martin ouevre
and anything that used to be on HBO

When you let your sister
and your clients
and your best friend since high school
(in town for three days only)
go straight to voicemail
because Ryan is announcing the Bottom Three

When you cannot remember the last time
you spent a day
without television

Maybe it’s time
to spend a day
without television.

Maybe it’s time
to spend seven of them.

A whole week
doing something else
One day at a time. (With Bonnie Franklin and Valerie Bertinelli.)

Besides—
there’s always
TiVO…

xxx
c

TOPICS: Advertising, consumerism, National TV Turnoff Week, Poetry Thursday, Rants, Television.

I don’t have a copy of Harriet the Spy handy, but to wildly paraphrase Ole Golly, TV is the perfect thing to do while you’re doing something else.

Since the “else” right now is tax prep and other boring-ish stuff, a little crappy TV really hits the spot.

I’m getting a little weary of the actual “American Idol” contestants (yaaaawn) but the freakish antics of Randy, Paula, Simon and teeny-tiny Ryan Seacrest are proving most entertaining. Even more (and definitely more intentionally) hilarious is the blow-by-blow recap on television without pity. As I told The Boyfriend, I don’t know whether to kiss or curse you for sending me the link; just see if you can stop reading last week’s 20pp treatise. G’wan…first taste is free.

xxx
c

P.S. The fiery trainwreck a.k.a. “Chasing Farrah” on tonight (Nick/10PT). I cannot WAIT to do my taxes…

TOPICS: quotations, Television, TV.

Proof that hilarity flows from the top down, Fat Actress is loaded with very funny people (Rachael Harris, Mike McDonald, guests like Mark Curry—even Kirstie Alley herself, once upon a time) who manage to be about as funny as the omelette pan soaking in my sink.

So what happened?

Hubris + money + a whole lot of people agreeing that the emporer’s fanny looks great in those Prada pants = thirty minutes of not just winking at the joke, but pummeling it into unrecognition with the obvious stick. It’s the saddest, most desperately unfunny thing it’s been my displeasure to watch for some time. I’ve got a little thing about wasted potential, you see, and this show is throwing it out the window by the bucketful. Sad, sad, sad.

I don’t know why Showtime would elect to air the egregious wrong that is Fat Actress for free on Yahoo! TV; it can’t possibly be to gain subscribers. Maybe this is all an elaborate set-up to be aired on Punk’d. Oh, wait—wrong network.

Anyway, thanks to Gawker for the heads up and the link.

I think…

xxx
c

TOPICS: Fat Actress, reviews/film, Television, TV.