Searches, we get searchesâ„¢

searchesWell, the Project Runway traffic has died down considerably, but the crazy hits just keep on comin'. And the disappointed visitors, I presume, just keep on leaving. On the off chance that they've returned to find that which they were searching for, here's what the peoples want to know this week:

psychic alice dubois (MSN)

The communicatrix comes up first in this MSN search; no wonder our searcher got confused and went elsewhere. As a jackass of all tv shows, mistress of none, I'd suggest doing a Google search and going here. Although it's pretty good sport watching the atheists froth at the mouth here. Using "Allison" instead of "Alice" might also improve results, although your mileage may vary.

barbra bush and crohn's disease (Yahoo)

That's a new one on me! Actually, as Yahoo! put it, "Did you mean: barbara bush and crohn's disease?" Well, hells, yeah! Unless maybe I meant Barbra Streisand and crohn's disease. But no, it was former First Lady BB, shilling for pharmaceutical company mouthpiece, the CCFA, back in 2003. Apparently, Mrs. Bush's youngest son, Marvin, is an ulcerative colitis sufferer. I'd insert the obvious "Republicans are full of shit" joke here, except that UC, like Crohn's, generally has the opposite effect on the digestive tract. Besides, everybody knows that farting is funnier than pooping.

vanessa CAMEL TOE (Google)

As a friend and I once discussed vis-a-via porn: there's a name for everything you can think of...and a whole bunch more for stuff that never even crossed your mind. Apparently, the lovely "Vanessa", one of the reviewers at The Best Porn, did a little write-up on a little siite called Gave it a 73.5. Nice beat; you can dance to it.

ad agency listens (Google)

They do? What have you been smoking? More importantly, where can I get some?

project runway christian boycott (Yahoo)

My Lord! What won't those wacky Christians boycott?!

As far as I can tell, they'll give the big, organized thumbs down to the "anti-family agenda of Planned Parenthood" and Your Right Hand Thief's wife, Lovely, who may or may not be a Christian, was planning to boycott Miramax had Jay not made it to the finals (will Disney stock go up now that Jay has won?), but that's about it as far as the organized protests go.

Mayhaps there's an application for your fervor, lonely searcher?

recipe chicago style giardinera (Yahoo)

Oh, for chrissakes, Martha Stewart. Just go here and order it. Life is too damned short.

feng shui missing conner apartment (Google)

Dear me, I wonder how long conner has been missing? Just so you know, feng shui is really good for getting the old ch'i moving around, but a lot less efficient at finding missing persons. Perhaps you should get in touch with this Alice DuBois person. I hear she's good at finding things...


Now, there's a good idea for a Friday feature...

xxx c