Searches, we get searchesâ„¢

searchesWherein I list varous searches that brought various wayward souls to communicatrix-dot-com, most often fruitlessly, and endeavor to provide fruit (or something like that):

"powerpoint ella fitzgerald" (Google)

As a dead jazz vocalist, Ella Fitzgerald does not use PowerPoint. Additionally, given the timing of her exit and PowerPoint's entry, I am fairly certain that even while alive, Miss Fitzgerald did not have access to Microsoft's now-ubiquitous program for the creation of her jazz presentations.

Perhaps she used transparencies and an overhead projector, although with her background in improv, I see her as more of a free-flowing, white-board kind of gal (no pun intended!)

"hanro camel toe" (Google)

Alas, Hanro's celebrated 1992 line of undergarments, developed to capture the hillbilly/rocker demographic, has been discontinued.

For other fine Hanro products, try here or here.

For superior, post-millenial camel toe, I highly recommend this pair of Joie jeans after eating too many cookies.

"phoning it in" acting definition (Google)

Michael Caine in everything after The Man Who Would Be King (excluding Hannah & Her Sisters, Little Voice and The Cider House Rules).

Daniel Chu copywriter (Google)

According to Creativity, as of September 10, 2003, Mr. Chu was a senior creative at TBWA Chiat Day NY, where he was partly responsible for a "flashy production, with fresh-faced leads" shilling Joe Boxer and K-Mart "with flavor and soul, hitting the target's pop cultural buttons with uncontrived authenticity."

Color me sold!


Don't slap women. In fact, don't slap anyone. Actually, I take that back, go slap yourself, you sick fuck.

butt doctor (Yahoo)

An M.D. who gets paid insane amounts of money to stick a camera up one's ass. Occasionally, a surgical specialist who withholds Crohn's diagnosis from patient and then, seven months later, helpfully visits patient in hospital to sketch new rectum he is going to build her while trying to keep from licking his lips at the prospect; in such cases, the "butt doctor" is also a "butt hole." (NOTE: if you live in the Los Angeles area and are looking for a "butt doctor," please feel free to e-mail me for an un-recommendation.)

daises recipe (Yahoo)

As "daises" (sic) are rather malodorous flowers, I am surprised to find them sought after as an ingredient. Perhaps this lone searcher was researching high-end cow snacks.

"pictures of lesbian lover xxx rate" (MSN)

Sadly, I lost all of mine in a recent kitchen fire. But I can help you with...

Wart"plantar's wart photo" (Yahoo)

As you can see, a mere two years after the only pedicure I've ever had, mine's almost gone! Hooray for Efudex! Hooray for the Solingen precision callus remover! Hooray for Dr. Brian P. Mekelburg!

Communicatrix (Google)

Congratulations, little stalker fans, you've made it to the right place. More information about me than you can shake a stick at. But just for the record, it's "communicatrix" with a lowercase "c"...e.e. cummings-style!

That's all for now. And remember: you can find anything you want on the internets if you look hard enough...and it's all true!!!


UPDATE: In my rush to get the news out, I neglected to include the promised wart photo. It's been added, although it should be noted that it is more of a "previous site of wart" or "ex-wart" than wart, at least, it is according to my dermatologist, Dr. Brian P. Mekelburg (who, btw, said that I'd had "the most impressive progress" on my wart of any of his patients! I WIN AGAIN!!!).